Anti-Press Express

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2008-01-01T02:13:00.000-05:00

F*** Xmas

2007-12-25T17:52:00.000-05:00

© 2007 Stan Spire

Since I’m a family values person, I’ve copped out and replaced key letters in the title with asterisks. So if there are any inquisitive kids wondering about the title, tell the little bastards it means Free Christmas.

Plattsburgh streets are empty and still today. Instead of someone’s birthday, you would think someone had died.

What has died is individualism. Everyone is supposed to follow the majority. But for someone like me – no job, no car, no house, no family – I don’t have the conformity cachet to play in the reindeer games. Christmas is another day in the week, albeit a quiet one.

But I prefer not to get caught up in the seasonal game. No more fighting the crowds at the mall. No more impossible idealism about having the perfect holiday.

Everyone lives with the illusion that nothing bad should happen on Xmas. Peace on earth, good will towards men. Ask your local police about this time of year. More calls to break up family disputes. A bank robbery is less messy than calming down a domestic blow-up.

But don’t talk about that. Keep such details in the background. After all, it’s Xmas! There’s the factoid that years ago relatives would fudge the death date of a loved one by moving it before or after the holiday. After all, no one can die on Jesus’ birthday. It’s kinda rude.

Anyway, talking about death around the holidays might affect the economy. Xmas sales are vital. After all, that poor CEO wants to buy a new private jet.

No matter how stupid the ritual, don’t think, just do it.

A few days ago the national news followed the story of some jerk and his children who got lost in the snowy woods while looking for an Xmas tree. Search parties were sent out. The idiot and his kids were found, cold but alive. And what does the lamestream media call this event? A Christmas miracle.

Isn’t Christmas stupidity more accurate? If it’s so easy for an adult to get lost in the woods, he should buy his tree in a city parking lot. (And even then the moron might get lost.)

I Want A Flamethrower For Xmas

2007-12-23T02:54:00.000-05:00

© 2007 Stan Spire

Plattsburgh – The City That Don’t Werk - will spend all sorts of money putting up useless Xmas decorations downtown as if that junk will draw anyone away from the shopping malls outside the city limits.

After every light and wreath is in place, the city claims it doesn’t have enough money for manpower to keep the sidewalks clear of snow. Every winter Pits-burgh threatens to bill anyone who doesn’t shovel the sidewalk in front of his home or business. But nothing happens. Some stretches remained blocked with piles of white crap. If it has the time, public werks might scrape off a few walkways before the spring sun does the job for it.

Well, I have the answer. Give me a flamethrower. A stream of fiery napalm will quickly clear away any clogged sidewalks. And I’ll take out those stupid Xmas decorations, too. No decorations, no need to put them up next year. That means more money to maintain the sidewalks in the winter.

Money that the city could spend on a good flamethrower.

Changes

2007-12-22T01:25:00.000-05:00

Stan Spire. Or stanspire.

Simple. Direct. Easy to remember.

Unlike Anti-Press, hyphen required at Blogspot. Or A-P_E, both hyphen and underscore required at Yahoo groups.

Also, Anti-Press works well as the name of an ezine or blog, but not that well as a pseudonym. Too aloof; not personable like Stan Spire. And when it comes to reaching readers, having a freaking personality is key. Anyway, my grandmother, Gram Ana, likes to see my name in print.

So take note. New blog, new group.

http://stanspire.blogspot.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/stanspire/

As for the old blog and group, they'll be around. Maybe for a while.

Questions/comments? stanspire[at]yahoo[dot]com

The Blackmailer

2007-12-20T01:56:00.000-05:00

© 2007 Stan Spire

Despite the constant downward pull, I refuse to sink and hit bottom, unlike certain criminal masterminds who appear in the news.

For example, take the case of the Internet blackmailer. He created a second identity with an online social networking service, pretending to befriend a woman in his community. He led the woman on, causing her to reveal the possible existence of an amateur videotape showing her in flagrante delicto.

Knowledge is power, especially inside knowledge of a scandalous nature. It was easy for the man, hiding behind his phony identity, to blackmail the woman. His activity moved from cyberspace to meat space. He claimed that he had the sex videotape and that he would give it to the woman only if she provided sexual favors to “a friend.” Actually the friend was the blackmailer using his real name.

The woman, with great reluctance, gave in to the threats. She visited the “friend’s” apartment on different occasions, apparently not suspecting that she was engaging in sexual acts with her online blackmailer. She tried again and again to get the videotape but no success. The blackmailer was bluffing; the tape didn’t exist.

But the story got out. The blackmailer was arrested and later he pled guilty to coercion. Despite his cleverness (or what he thought was cleverness), he didn’t get away with the crime.

Imagine the poor victim. This young woman must be jaded now when it comes to men. The terrible experience must leave a bad taste in her mouth.

Hopefully she’s wiser and won’t fall for another bonehead deception.

Template Reporting

2007-11-05T01:07:00.000-05:00

(C) 2007 Stan Spire

She was nervous, rattled. She searched through her notes when a question was asked, responding with a prepared statement. At one point she hesitated for a while, lost in her thoughts. Not a good showing for an incumbent.

OK, she was having an off day. Possibly something upset her before the debate. That's understandable. But an important aspect of politics is how well a candidate comes across to an audience. Public speaking 101.

When the newspaper article appeared, no mention of the incumbent's difficulties. And while an article can't include every detail, at least the pertinent ones should be mentioned.

The reporter should have been a stand-in witness for those who couldn't attend the debate. Anyone there who was half-awake noticed that the incumbent was struggling at times to make her points.

But the article was the same standard unit the reporter had stamped out with previous debates and other candidates. He wrote utilizing a basic format, treating each debate like a sporting event. Portraying the action like a battle of wills between two evenly matched opponents. Tossing in words like "tussle" to enliven the copy. Using quotes like key plays.

Template reporting results when a reporter has covered too many stories over the years. Stick to an easy formula, file the story.

But even a sports reporter mentions when an athlete drops the ball.

An Immodest Proposal

2007-11-03T04:37:00.000-04:00

© 2007 Stan Spire

During recent debates with local city candidates the topic of a bed tax came up. Apparently some are eying the new hotel to be built down by the lake as a source of new revenue for the city. But the lakeside hotel has dragged on for two years and nothing has been built. Of course, locating a hotel next to the city sewage plant has raised some eyebrows (or should I say twitched a few noses?).

Plattsburgh, NY has never been known for pragmatism. It has never learned to take advantage of what it already has. And when it comes to proposed projects, most are dreams produced from a certain kind of pipe.

Realistically, the best way for the city to charge a bed tax is find the right beds to tax. Legalized prostitution is the answer. It fits well with the nighttime ambience of downtown, the bars, the drugs, the walking wounded who come out when the sun sets. And with rates by the hour instead of by the day (or night), Plattsburgh would be raking in enough money from whoring to fix its sorry ass.

Profit$ Over People

2007-11-01T05:38:00.000-04:00

© 2007 Stan Spire

“Companies are now paying attention to the mental health problems of employees. An estimated X million dollars are lost each year due to depression and other emotional problems.”

“If a pandemic like bird flu sweeps the world, an estimated X billion dollars would be lost in productivity.”

Ever notice how most news stories stress the financial over the human? When there’s a problem related to workers, the main concern is how it affects the bottom line, not the person.

A cog in the machine – that’s the apparent value of a person. If he’s struggling with the agony of severe depression, don’t think of him as a fellow being who needs help. Regard him only as a mechanical part that needs a little more oil.

And make sure that your cogs are properly maintained, keep them healthy, not because they have families to support, but because you, Mr. Rich Capitalist, want to achieve your target for yearly profits. Keep the machine going. Don’t do anything for humanitarian reasons; such altruism is for suckers. Spend money on employees only when it affects the profit margin. And even then spend the minimum.

After all, materialism makes America the greatest country in the world – of expendable cogs.

Info As Bait

2007-10-14T01:43:00.000-04:00

“So what’s the weather this weekend? Sunny or will your day off be rained out? Well, stayed tuned.”

The teaser. A smiling TeeVee weatherman wants to suck you in into watching most of the newscast. After all, maybe bad weather is on the way, like that terrible thunderstorm last week.

So you’re glued to the channel, keeping those ratings up. Finally, after some news you don’t care about and a bunch of irritating commercials, the weatherman comes back, asking the same question: sunny or rainy? Well, he’ll tell you, after some more ads…

With the Net you have other ways of getting weather forecasts without sitting through the commercialized pap of your local TeeVee newscast. Just log on and look it up within a minute or so.

But since most TeeVee viewers are idiots, the forecast bait works, hooks those suckerfish every time. So why not apply it to other bits of information?

Recently a Vermont TeeVee station has been running an ad for its newscast, tossing bait into the water along this line: “Did you know that there are two types of smoke detectors? Which one is the best? Did you know that one type might not go off during a fire? Which type of smoke detector is the safest? Tune in tomorrow…”

Oh My God – is your smoke detector inadequate? Make sure to watch that newscast and sit through all the annoying ads pushing crap you don’t need.

Don’t get hooked. There are other options besides TeeVee for getting information. If so-called journalists want to play games with information, screw them. Especially when it’s info that could save your life.

= = =

ADDENDUM

From a quick search it seems that the answer to which smoke detector type is the best isn't so cut and dry as indicated by the TeeVee station's bait.

Google keywords: "smoke detectors" + two types + best

Hit: http://www.firesafetycouncil.com/english/pubsafet/safact.htm

Q. What types of smoke alarms are available on the market?

A. There are two types of household smoke alarms in common use. These are known as ionization or photoelectric type smoke alarms.

Q. Which type of alarm is more effective?

A. There is no simple answer to this question. The two types operate on different principles and therefore may respond differently to various conditions. Some advantages to each type are set out below:

Ionization
--Fastest type to respond to flaming fires
--Lowest cost and most commonly sold
--Some models have a hush or temporary silence feature that allows silencing without removing the battery
--Some models are available with a long life battery

Photoelectric
--Fastest type to respond to slow smoldering fires and white or gray smoke
--Less prone to nuisance alarms from cooking

Information is at your fingertips. Don't let the lamestream media hold it hostage.

© 2007 Stan Spire

The Back To School Scam

2007-09-25T03:20:00.000-04:00

© 2007 Stan Spire

Remember in college when you were required to buy a lot of expensive textbooks and you found out as the semester rolled on that you didn’t need all of them? Your instructor would say, “Well, those other books are additional background material. I’m not going to test you on that.”

But such scams aren’t necessarily limited to colleges. Take a look at the back to school sales for middle and high school students. Johnny or Jane comes home with a list of crap that the teacher says is required.

For example, the student MUST HAVE a plastic orange folder of certain size (and price). This particular folder will only be used to hold math assignments. Are today’s students so dumbed down that they need color codes to organize their materials? Then again, most dumb citizens pay attention to the spectrum of threat levels pronounced by Homeland Security. This one color per subject could be great training for future Amerikans. Pavlov’s dog whimpers when he sees the color red.

Why are these lists of required school supplies accepted without question by parents? How did it come about that an office supply store like Staples suddenly got into “educational materials?”

I suspect that there is some connection between big companies with product to push and schools short on cash. Look at the incident when a student wore a Pepsi t-shirt during “Coke In Education Day” at his high school. The student was suspended. After all, if Coca Cola wants to use a school to recruit more Cokeheads, then you better be a team player.

I’ve tried using a search engine to find articles online that at least raise the issue about back to school supplies and the companies manufacturing and peddling those supplies. Nothing. Not even a blog post. Apparently no one is curious about the back to school fad (or I haven’t hit the right combo of keywords yet). One article did say that the back to school season is second to Xmas in total sales. Consumers = lemmings.

One parent told me that a leading calculator company provides “free” instruction books when a school requires its students to purchase a particular calculator made by the company. I wouldn’t be surprised if more such deals are being made behind the scenes between various companies and cash-strapped schools.

I not saying there’s a great conspiracy, but keep in mind the main point of capitalism is to get money out of your pocket.

Setting that issue aside, there’s the validity of the back to school lists. I’ve heard from one student that as the school year rolls on, she found that she didn’t need all the items. Hopefully she’ll learn from this and avoid buying unneeded textbooks in college.

Just Say NO To Diamonds

2007-09-13T16:35:00.000-04:00

Blood Diamond. A movie nominated for 5 Academy Awards. So what.

This movie proves how Hollywood can trivialize an important social issue. Blood Diamond is set during the civil war in Sierra Leone in 1999. At that time there was talk about "blood diamonds," diamonds sold to finance the bloodshed. If you wanted to be politically correct/socially aware, you had to ask your jeweler if he dealt in conflict or blood diamonds. (As if that made any real difference.)

The entire diamond industry is tainted, not just by the civil war that occurred in Sierra Leone. Right from the beginning of the diamond trade black Africans were forced to work under inhuman conditions to enrich a few white capitalists. How would you like to sleep on a concrete bed after a long day in the mines? And to end up with a pittance of what De Beers and other such companies were raking in?

Blood Diamond does raise a few issues, for example, how the major diamond companies buy up all the stones and hoard them, creating an artificial scarcity to keep the prices so high. Or how a man is told that he should spend at least three months of his salary on a diamond engagement ring.

But such issues are lost among all the action and violence during Blood Diamond. After a while the rapid pace of gunfire and last minute escapes becomes boring. Our heroes somehow serpentine their way through mass destruction and deadly chaos, but while everyone around them is injured or killed, they come through to face more danger. This movie could have been easily changed into Indiana Jones And The Blood Diamond.

Of course, this is how Hollywood tackles social issues. Keep the real issues in the background and dazzle everyone with a video-game plot.

At the end of the movie a statement is shown that buyers should make sure that they only buy diamonds of the non-blood type. If the viewer had been paying attention, he would remember how it was mentioned in the movie that blood diamonds were easily mixed in with "good" ones as they're sold along the way. But like I said, it doesn't matter, the entire diamond industry is tainted with blood.

Last Xmas season one of the big diamond companies ran a TeeVee ad featuring an upper middle class black couple at a posh restaurant, a heart-touching scene of a man giving his wife a diamond. I wonder if those black actors were aware of the history of the diamond trade.

And if they were - for shame.

(C) 2007 Stan Spire

Two Events, Unrelated?

2007-08-22T03:22:00.000-04:00

© 2007 Stan Spire

Karl Rove, longtime political advisor to the president, is leaving the White House to spend more time with his family. And the president’s daughter, Jenna, is getting married.

Karl Rove. How can I sum up such a great humanitarian in a few words? Let’s see, there’s push polling. South Carolina, 2000. George Bush and John McCain are out to win the favor of voters, each trying to be the Republican Party’s presidential candidate.

Someone masquerading as a pollster calls a voter, asking if his opinion of McCain would change if they knew he had fathered an illegitimate daughter with a black prostitute?

Of course, the “pollster” didn’t claim that McCain had committed a two shocking transgressions against Deep South conservative Christian racists. The caller just posed a question to gauge a reaction. There’s nothing against the law against bringing up a “what if” situation.

And how can a “pollster” be responsible for any confusion that might arise from the fact that John McCain and his wife had an adopted daughter from Bangladesh? After all, Rovian politics helps to keep voters on their toes, motivating them to check out the facts. Most voters use their minds, not their hearts, when choosing the right candidates.

And with Rovian discourse, anyone can become involved in the great cause, even someone’s innocent daughter.

So would your opinion of Karl Rove change if you learned he had impregnated Jenna Bush, forcing her to get married to someone her age to cover up the scandal?

A Brain Enhanced By Conservatism And OxyContin

2007-08-06T01:17:00.000-04:00

Rush Limbaugh. He’s more than a political radio commentator: he’s a true historian.

In a promo for his show, Rush really hits it on the head about modern events. He states that the Soviet Union fell apart because it gave up when the United States decided to press ahead with the Strategic Defense Initiative (SDI), also known as “Star Wars.” The Soviets knew that we had the know-how and can-do attitude to make a missile defense shield work. All they could do was admit defeat.

Of course, the fact that the Soviet Union was corrupt, inefficient, and overextended are minor reasons why it failed.

America has a perfect record when it comes to creating and utilizing superior technology. After all, our advanced weaponry during the Vietnam War quickly won us peace with honor – just like it will in Iraq.

And consider our space agency, NASA, for a sterling example of how to properly design and build technology. One shuttle blew up while going up; another burned up while coming down.

Look at other triumphs. Like the Mars probe that crashed into the Red Planet because someone forgot to properly convert between kilometers and miles. Or the solar space probe that crashed into the desert because its parachute didn’t deploy. The parachute switch had been installed upside down.

And don’t forget the most important component in any system: the human operator. It was reported recently that some astronauts have been flying drunk, obviously to keep their reflexes optimal.

Imagine our government and its crack administrators and operators protecting us with a nationwide missile defense shield. Maybe a drunken ex-astronaut would be put in charge of the program.

Imagine SDI activated during a crisis.

BOOM.

The U.S. empire falls apart in seconds. After blowing itself to pieces.

Rush Limbaugh crawls out of the rumble, grabs a microphone, and starts blaming the liberals for the disaster. He knows the real story.

© Copyright 2007 Stan Spire

Dear Reverend Fry

2007-07-29T04:29:00.000-04:00

Dear Reverend Fry,

With due respect, are you getting fried?

Every Friday in the Plattsburgh (news)paper you run an ad in the Faith and Spirituality section that at first glance looks like a weekly column. Entitled “I Was Just Thinking About…” there’s a photo of you sitting in your study, a bespectacled middle-aged man wearing suspenders and a tie, a learned look on your face. Each week you take a news item and relate it to the Bible. You wrap up with the statement: “It would be an honor to speak with you further about this at the Bible Baptist Church.”

While your choice of new items are interesting, I think lately you’ve been writing too many sermons and are getting a bit burned out. Your last two ad-columns have been stretching the point too far in trying to connect the incident with a Bible quote.

For example, you talk about a man named Scott Naylor who found a five-foot boa constrictor emerging from the engine of his car. The event was mysterious because Naylor didn’t own the snake and he couldn’t figure out how it got inside his car. This event reminded you of a Bible verse:

“And Moses made a serpent of brass, and put it upon a pole, and it came to pass, that if a serpent had bitten any man, when he beheld the serpent of brass, he lived.” (Numbers 21:9)

Then you state that this verse speaks of the healing that Christ provides.

So what’s the connection between the news item and the Bible verse? Did Scott Naylor have Moses’ brass serpent in his trunk and that’s why he wasn’t bitten? Or did the Saint Christopher statue on his dashboard save him?

A week later and you write about a fox that attacked some people in a steakhouse. The fox (apparently rabid from what is described) chased customers into the restaurant and bit the manager. This Bible verse came to your mind:

“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, waketh about, seeking whom he may devour.” (1 Peter 5:8)

OK, a rabid fox can be dangerous but it isn’t a lion. I can’t see a fox devouring a person like a lion; a few good bites and it would be stuffed. And as you stated, animal control officers put down the fox. What did they use – a crucifix to corner the crazy critter?

What’s next week? One item that got a lot of play recently in the press was the nursing home cat that seemingly predicts when death is near for a patient. The foreseeing feline wanders around and sometimes jumps up on a bed, sitting there just hours before the patient dies.

But maybe that cat isn’t making predictions. After all, some people believed that a cat would climb into a crib and smother a baby. (If the poor little soul hadn’t been baptized, he would end up in purrgatory.) And then there are all those stories about witches and their familiars…

So what Bible verse would be appropriate? How about:

“He lies in wait like a lion in cover; he lies in wait to catch the helpless; he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net.” (Psalm 10:9)

That does tie in better with the news item, albeit in a warped way. But warping works better than stretching. Try it some time, Reverend Fry.

© Copyright 2007 Stan Spire

If It's Safe Then Why Hide It?

2007-06-28T04:30:00.000-04:00

(C) 2007 Stan Spire

Remember the NutraSweet logo? It was a fancy swirl emblazoned on all sorts of products, announcing that it was the perfect sugar substitute. Lately I haven't seen it too often when I'm shopping for food.

NutraSweet is a brand of aspartame. For years there's been some controversy about aspartame; safety issues have been raised. Links made to cancer and brain tumors. The approval process by the FDA for this particular ingredient has been criticized.

One story is a competitor hawking a different sugar substitute started a whispering campaign to ruin aspartame's reputation and so that's why the swirly logo hasn't been so prevalent lately. Or maybe it's because aspartame smells the same by any name; the US patent expired in 1992. So why not announce the inclusion of aspartame in big letters on the front of the container, even if it wasn't made by NutraSweet? Aspartame is still hailed as being safe for people wanting to avoid sugar.

Sugar has been around for generations. Its bad effects are known. Aspartame is relatively recent; no one knows what the long terms affects will be, if any.

Me, I don't wanted aspartame in any food products like yogurt because it upsets my stomach.

So you'll see me holding a cup of yogurt at the supermarket, peering at its ingredients, making sure it contains sugar, not aspartame. The print isn't the largest, to say the least. Also, one brand uses blue letters, not easier to read black print. And while words like milk or whey are put in bold, aspartame doesn't get the bold treatment, just a tiny asterisk. I have to carefully check the label for that one ingredient I'm trying not to ingest. It's amazing how small blue print hides the word; aspartame is lost in the list.

I didn't have this problem when the red and white NutraSweet swirl was prominently placed on the front of the package. It was easier back then to avoid eyestrain and an upset stomach.

PIA Zadora Stalls Before Takeoff

2007-06-20T05:09:00.000-04:00

By Stan Spire (C) 2007

The Plattsburgh International Airport (PIA) has suffered a setback. When it opened Monday, June 18th, the company lined up to provide fuel and handle maintenance had squelched the deal.

PIA is located at the former Plattsburgh Air Force Base. Clinton County closed down its old airport and moved its operations to the flight lines and runways left behind when PAFB was decommissioned.

Some have questioned the wisdom of the move. "Build it and they will come," works in the movies, but not necessarily in real life. The county only put up a portion of the funds needed to build the new airport, indicating that the local taxpayer wasn't going to be burdened. And what was the source for the bulk of the funding? Other taxpayer funds. So the taxpayer pays all the time, whether its local, state or federal taxes.

Did the taxpayer end up paying for another white elephant? It's not a good indicator of success when a company backs out of a negotiated contract, asking for additional items that the county couldn't provide.

So Clinton County is now searching for another fixed-base operator. Until then another company will keep providing fuel.

The operator that dropped out, Million Air, had intended to set up shop at PIA with a government contract to transport soldiers overseas. (And as my Granddad Spire used to say, they were also going to hit a hog in the ass with a brick.)

Million Air. Yuk, yuk. What a pun.

My nickname for the new county airport is PIA Zadora. That's a pun referring to a movie star named Pia Zadora who was more flash than substance. She was once married to a rich sugar daddy who took good care of her. PIA, on the other hand, mainly has taxpayers to provide the sugar, lumps and all.

Crap Osmosis

2007-06-13T00:26:00.000-04:00

By Stan Spire (C) 2007

Despite my protective mental membrane, crap molecules still seep in.

I don't have cable or satellite TeeVee. And with the few stations I pick up off the air, I don't watch that much. I avoid looking at entertainment rags. I seek out only real news on the Web.

But somehow trivial info slips through. I've never watched the TeeVee show American Idol, but I am familiar with the judges' names and even the names of certain contestants. A lot of buzz is generated about a wannabe pop star and the lamestream media is obligated to play up the story over real events.

Flip through the late night TeeVee talk shows and every host has to bring up the contestant's name and the vapid buzz accompanying it. Even the losers are brought out on these shows, their fifteen-minute fame serviceable for lame comedy bits.

At least such contestants project a positive image. "News" is created when image of a young female movie star or pseudo-celebrity becomes negative. Drugs. Alcoholism. Sex scandals. Arrests. Even jail time. All the news outlets and talk show monologists treat such incidents as major news. They aren't. They're just crap.

But the pop media gives the public at large what it wants. After all, learning about the controversy surrounding the present US Attorney General, Alberto Gonzales, ain't fun. Or even funny. Even though Gonzales has a direct effect on the lives of average Americans, John and Jane Q. Pubic would rather follow the story of a spoiled rich bitch going to jail, even though she doesn't have the power to screw up their existence.

The crap: it can't be avoided it when it's spread everywhere. It's in your face even during the briefest exposures to the media. You would have to blind yourself off to every headline or blurb. And by doing so, you also shut out important information and news.

The latest fads and crazes aren't news. In the end the buzz dies away, revealing the pseudo-event behind it to be what it was all along: meaningless crap. Time will prove how right I am.

Historians, 40 years in the future: do insignificant molecules named Sanjah or Paula Abdul or Lindsay Lohan mean anything to you? I didn't think so.

Don't Die For A Lie

2007-05-28T18:26:00.000-04:00

Memorial Day disturbs me.

Like other holidays, it's a time for fun-filled noise. Shouldn't this be a day for reflection?

I've been thinking about the phrase, "It's your duty to protect your country." Is it still your duty if your leaders are corrupt or just fucking stupid?

You can look at a country as being its citizens, the average folks, and those who are in power. Too often leaders have exploited the citizenry, especially when it comes to war. The power players get involved in all sorts of global shenanigans for personal gain and when a snag is hit, it's time to call upon the citizen to defend his country (i.e., defend the players' thwarted plans).

I don't question a citizen's sincere patriotism, especially the patriotism of someone who enlisted after 9/11 because he thought America was in immediate danger. Yes, terrorism is a problem -- but how big of a problem?

For the cynical power players 9/11 was an opportunity to inflate that problem into an all-purpose scam, a convenient rallying point invoked to rationalize the Iraq misadventure. Also, by creating The War On Terror, it would keep the populace pre-occupied so that it wouldn't have time to realize that the terrorism problem was the result of American players screwing around in the politics of other countries.

But this has happened before in history: if the players stirred up the hornet's nest, they went straight to plan B. Plan B was easy: demonize the enemy, hypnotize the citizenry with patriotic fervor, and let the dogs of war rip. The protected and comfortable masters let their obedient canines do all the dirty work for them.

No, I'm not one of those hippie-pacifistic types who believe all violence is wrong. I'm a realist. Sometimes war is justified. Sometimes it isn't. I've seen how power players will lie and lead on others on, only gambling with their money and prestige, but not with their lives. In fact, they won't even risk the lives of their own pampered offspring. (You don't see the Bush Twins serving in Iraq, do you?)

Leaders are supposed to represent the people. In actuality leaders only represent themselves. If you think otherwise, you're living a blissful life.

In ancient times it was believed that a man born mentally defective had glimpsed the gods: his subnormal condition was a sign of their awesome energies. In a way he was blessed.

Wrapped in his nation's flag, the idiot leader of the US commands his followers to die needlessly, his simpleminded dream of victory a nightmare for everyone else. But despite his gods-blessed mind, the leader must know that his crusade is nothing but a lie.

When someone dies for his country, is it really for his fellow citizens or for the power players that control the nation at that moment?

Something to think about besides the parades and the picnics on this day to remember.

(C) Copyright 2007 Stan Spire

A Battle To Win Minds And Hearts

2007-05-16T03:27:00.000-04:00

Not much war news lately in the Pee-Pee, the Plattsburgh daily (news)paper.

I'm not referring to the conflicts in Afghanistan or Iraq. What I'm talking about is the battle between Plattsburgh's House O' Healing and the Medical Center across the lake in Burlington, Vermont. Each one has wielded advertising to win the minds of potential patients. And when a mind is won, so is the heart -- and with it all the other body organs.

Pick up the paper and see an ad with an endorsement from a local person who had heart trouble but found the best treatment in Vermont. After all, the Medical Center based in Burlington has the latest tech.

Oh ya?, responds the Plattsburgh hospital. Well, we just expanded our cardiac unit and here's a testimonial from a satisfied customer who said he got the best treatment for his heart trouble right in his own backyard. He didn't have to voyage across the lake to be saved.

Back and forth it went, one ad from the House O' Healing followed by one from the Medical Center. It was like the little kid on the block (Plattsburgh) felt inferior, wanting to quickly grow up to be a big guy in the neighborhood (Burlington). But I think the Medical Center now has one up on the House O' Healing. It ran an ad in the Plattsburgh University newspaper saying that it can now harvest human ova. The pitch is a young college gal with extra eggs (and extra debt) can help a childless couple (while receiving a much needed cash inflow). So far the House O' Healing hasn't countered with its own ova-harvesting program. (Considering how it treated me in its ER last year after an accident, I wouldn't trust them to harvest eggs from hens.)

One criticism heard about Plattsburgh hospitaloid operation is that more money is spent on equipment and buildings than on its employees and its patients. Recently the House O' Healing started a two-year program to expand into a bigger operation. It just can't shake its size problem when compared to the Burlington Medical Center. (It's a guy thing. "Na, na! My colonoscope is bigger than yours.")

The House O' Healing nurses have unionized, complaining that the hospital doesn't pay them a fair wage while its president and board of directors make obscene lumps of $. Is the Plattsburgh hospital a humanitarian institution for helping the sick, or is it just another corporation out to keep growing, to keep raking in the money, to keep paying big dividends?

I was talking with a nurse the other day. She used to work at the House O' Healing. But like many other nurses over the years who were once House employees, she has quit there and is now commuting all the way across the lake to work at the Medical Center. Let's face it: nurse turnover isn't a good thing when it comes to maintaining consistency of care.

But screw care if it stops the two year expansion program and bigger profits.

(C) Copyright 2007 Stan Spire

Iran: The Second Sucker Punch

2007-05-14T03:41:00.000-04:00

Members of al-Qaeda must be as happy as pigs in shit because the US is bogged down in Iraq, trapped by a no-win situation. Al-Qaeda wasn't there when Saddam was in power but they're there now.

Why did al-Qaeda attack America on 9/11? One reason could be to sucker this country and its idiot president into endless wars overseas. Shrub couldn't be satisfied with Afghanistan, he had to get greedy and invade Iraq. Now there's rumblings about our pinhead POTUS "Bringing It On" with Iran.

Al-Qaeda must be salivating, hoping that Uncle Sap will fall into that final trap, a war on three fronts. If we're hit by another terrorist attack, maybe cooler heads will prevail and take rational action. To al-Qaeda we're "The Great Satan" and they will try to drain this country dry of its military and financial resources. Don't forget, "God" is on their side (they call him Allah.) In some ways they seem to be more devote in their faith; look at all of the suicide bombers.

The US won't survive another sucker punch if it reacts so stupidly again. Even with our God.

(C) Copyright 2007 Stan Spire

A Belated “Happy Holiday!”

2007-05-05T02:14:00.000-04:00

May 1st, 2007. Mission Accomplished Day.

It was four years ago on that date that Our President declared that we had won the war in Iraq. He stood there on the deck of the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln, saying that major military operations were over in Iraq.

When he spoke those historic words, a giant banner hung in the background proclaiming MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. That’s why May 1st each year is Mission Accomplished Day (MAD).

I don’t know about you but I’ve been celebrating all week and will have to spend this weekend recovering. The parades, the fireworks, the picnics – what a time! Indeed, it’s a MAD holiday!

Americans deserve to be proud. Our President has brought peace and prosperity to the world. The liberated people of Iraq have built a thriving democracy, a stable society, a strong economy. Terrorism is on the decline. And even though it wasn’t our main interest, the victory in Iraq has reduced the price of gasoline to historic lows, only 70 cents a gallon.

Also, countries like Iran have seen the light and are becoming more democratic, realizing the practical benefits now being demonstrated in Iraq.

Wait a minute. Hold on. The hit of LSD that someone slipped me is wearing off…

© Copyright 2007 Stan Spire

Granddad Spire

2007-04-29T08:09:00.000-04:00

I inherited my rant gene from him.

About once a week I visit Granddad Spire. He's more or less confined to his small one-story house set back from the street. When I arrive he says he's glad to see his favorite grandson. I don't point out that I'm his only grandson.

Sometimes Granddad Spire is alert, sharp as a tack. On other occasions, he's a bit fuzzy, due to his age and his long list of meds.

He's happy when I read the newspaper to him. He claims his eyesight is shot but I know his vision is OK; me reading the paper is a way of generating topics for conversation.

I start with the obits. Lately Granddad Spire has fallen into a routine of knowing all of the recently deceased, but not in a good light. I mention the name of a woman who recently "passed on into the arms of the Lord."

Granddad Spire snorts. "Her? Biggest whore around. Used to hang around the bars all her life, take home three or four men at a time. She slowed down to two men when he got old and had to use a walker."

I don't tell him that he's confused. I skip to another name, not mentioning that the woman in question spent most of her life as a nun.

For Granddad Spire local and world events blend in together. When I read a news item datelined Washington, DC, he reacts as if the event had taken place right at home. Part of the confusion is that he jumbles up similar-sounding surnames from his neck of the woods with national leaders.

I read a story about President Bush. Granddad Spire was dozing off but suddenly he snaps awake.

"Bushey? They made one of them company president at the mill? I tell you I never met a Bushey who wasn't dumber than a box of rocks."

Then there's an article about the vice-president, Dick Cheney.

"Haney? Rick Haney. There's a lying sonofabitch. Talked out of the side of his mouth. He could sell bullshit to a cow. He talked tough, sounded like he was ready for a fight, but he was a yellow skunk. Used to hide in his basement when trouble came a'calling."

When he makes a statement like that, I suspect Granddad Spire is faking his confusion. Maybe he likes pulling my leg.

But I remember the time he reminisced about his childhood, way back when it was OK to belong to the communist party. The local communists would even hold a parade in his neighborhood on May Day. Then the demonization started, the years of McCarthyism. Granddad Spire doesn't say too much about those dark days.

So if Homeland Security shows up at his door, he can say, "You mean Bushey and Haney, right? I went to high school with those bastards..."

(C) Copyright 2007 Stan Spire

TeeVee And The Nature Of Evil

2007-04-28T23:52:00.000-04:00

TeeVee friends want to help you.

Aging actress Sally Field pops up on your television screen, saying she has the answer to your problem with osteoporosis. She hawks a wonder drug called Boniva. Of course, Sally is doing this for no compensation, a true humanitarian.

The first couple of times the Boniva ad is tolerable. After that, it starts tainting your soul. When Sally pops up again for the nth time, you say to yourself: “Hey, lady, I got your Bone-niva, right here. It’ll fix your osteoporosis.”

Another TeeVee friend, distinguished elder actor Morgan Freeman, haunts the nighttime hours when the networks are forced to give up ad time for public service announcements. In this PSA a healthy-looking middle-aged man sits in a professional photo studio, getting his portrait taken. Morgan appears on screen, saying you might be the picture of health but you must get a colonoscopy.

Even though you don’t watch that much TeeVee – you’re just trying to catch a few stories on the late night news – Morgan seems to be on shilling for colonoscopies every fifteen minutes.

“Hey, old man, shove it! And get a picture of you shoving it, too!”

The cynicism felt towards commercials now has seeped over to PSAs. And as you watch the news, you find yourself making snide comments about various tragedies. Then again, the way the stories are presented, the TeeVee news department is exploiting the tragedy to keep the ratings up. Asking someone “How do you feel?” after a loved one has died violently. Zoom in for a tight close-up to capture those streaming tears. See that a few times and desensitization sets in, then cynicism.

Most viewers keep tuning in, still entranced by the slick package, news as dramatic entertainment. High ratings mean more annoying ad spots sold, unless forced to repeat ad nauseam the same PSAs over and over again.

But you see beyond the illusion, no longer entranced. The parade of good and bad is sickening. The “good” are wonder cures and friendly advice of dubious validity. The bad has been transformed into infotainment. The truth sets you free but it’s ugly, corrupting.

You snap off the TeeVee. Sanity returns.

Seduction by the dark side is abated.

© Copyright 2007 Stan Spire

Coasting Along & Getting Paid Good Money

2007-03-18T22:10:00.000-04:00

© Copyright 2007 Stan Spire

Hey, I’m now coastal!

I always wanted to live near the ocean. Enjoying an invigorating sea breeze, watching the sun either rise or set over the vast waves.

Well, that ain’t gonna to happen. As long as I live near the recently designated “Adirondack Coast.”

Adirondack what?!

Take out of map of this area, the northeastern corner of New York State (AKA NENYland). Find Plattsburgh, where I survive – I mean, live. It’s located in Clinton County. To the west stand the Adirondack Mountains. To the east sits Lake Champlain, separating this neck of the woods from Vermont (fortunately for Vermont). To the north runs the US-Canadian border.

If you’re looking for real cities, you have your choice of Burlington, Vermont, or Montreal, up dere in Keybec.

NENYland suffers from an inferiority complex when it competes against Burlington and Montreal. Basically, that’s because there’s nothing here of cultural value, unless you’re into snowmobiles and pick-up trucks.

Now let’s take another look at the map. The region around Lake Champlain is called the Champlain Valley. Why? Because there's a valley around the lake. As far as I know, a valley is an area separate from a mountain range. It can be argued where the transition from mountain to valley occurs, but there is a transition. So what is this Adirondack Coast crap?

Apparently some entity called the Champlain Shores Visitors and Convention Bureau – the official tourism agency of Clinton County - needed a new angle on the region to promote it. So someone making good money looked at a map, ignored geography, and came up with the Adirondack Coast misnomer, somehow merging the lake's shoreline with the mountains. And to make it official, they put up a web site (www.goadirondack.com). After all, if it’s on the Net, it must be real.

A spokesperson for the Champlain Shores Visitors and Misnomers Bureau said that group tour links at the website will lead people to events in Burlington, Montreal, and Lake Placid. The plan is to market Clinton County as “a central location to these other communities.” (Press-Republican, Page A5, March 14, 2007)

Really. Will that change the fact that Burlington or Montreal makes a better central location? By staying in either city, one will still be within a day’s drive of most events in the region. And with either city, you will be already close to major events. Why stay here in the hinterlands of NENYland and have black flies bite your ass?

How desperate will NENYland become in trying to sucker people into coming here? Maybe it will put up a website and declare that Burlington is just the Translake Suburb of Plattsburgh. Or maybe it can try to alter reality with a slogan like “Montreal: Clinton County’s Bitch.”

We Are America, Damn It!

2007-02-11T07:20:00.000-05:00

(C) 2007 Stan Spire

According to a new National Intelligence Estimate, Iran is supplying to Shiite militias in Iraq a special type of roadside explosive that can blast through armored Humvees. This means more American soldiers will be killed or maimed from explosively formed penetrators as Vietnam II grinds on and the violence keeps escalating.

But to admit that the invasion of Iraq was a mistake is unacceptable to Prez Shrub and his neo-con-men. In fact, Shrub seems to want to expand the conflict, indicating that Iran is the next target of his crusade to win the Oily Land from the non-Christian infidels.

Some are skeptical about the recent NIE findings after it has been shown that data about the connection between Al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein’s government was really “alternative intelligence” (AKA, a lie) passed along to fool the American people as they were jingoed into a dead-end war.

At the same time, is it so surprising that Iran would be helping to drive the U.S. occupation forces out of Iraq? It’s tragic that American soldiers are being placed in greater danger from the specialized explosives. In no way can the violence be condoned. But what would you expect Iran to do – ignore what’s going on right next door to it?

Should Iran forget history, ignore the fact that at one time Saddam was the U.S.’s good buddy, used by the American government to fight Iran during a protracted, indecisive war? After all, the U.S. supplied Saddam with all sorts of weapons and material. Why is it so shocking that Iran would be involved in covertly backing the insurgents? What makes America so special that it can play dirty tricks, but other countries are not allowed the same option?

It’s superpower psychosis. “We are America, damn it, and we’re anointed by God to spread righteousness around the world. We don’t worship any phony supreme being like ‘Allah.’ We have The Truth on our side and whatever we do is justified because our might makes us right!”

And so the US acts as Maniac World Cop, trying to enforce its system of laws on others. But the World Cop has been lead into a trap. The so-called "Islamofascists” are delighted that the US is mired in Iraq, pissing away money and lives while caught in the jaws of a bear trap.

And if Prez Shrub presses ahead and expands his insanity into Iran, the trap will shut tight.

SOURCES:

“DEADLIEST BOMB IN IRAQ IS MADE BY IRAN, U.S. SAYS” By Michael R. Gordon. New York Times, Page A1, Saturday, February 10, 2007.

“Inquiry on Intelligence Gaps May Reach to White House” by David S. Cloud. New York Times, Page A6, Saturday, February 10, 2007.

Return Of The APE Mail List

2007-02-08T00:35:00.000-05:00

Besides checking out this blog, you can also subscribe to my latest observations via email. You will find more info at groups.yahoo.com/group/A-P_E/ .

You don't have to join Yahoo! to get an email sub. Using your own email, you can sign up or drop out at any time, using these easy addresses:

Subscribe: A-P_E-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Unsubscribe: A-P_E-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

Also, I will be archiving my posts at my Yahoo group. So if something happens here at Blogger and I turn up missing, you can always find me at Yahoo. My Iraq Is Screwed post is already up. I plan to be simultaneously posting to both my blog and group.

I know that my group's name, A-P_E, isn't as easy as APE or A-P-E to remember, but those other names were already taken. So try to remember both the hyphen and the underscore in A-P_E.

As old time readers know, my writings used to be disseminated as an ezine via email subscription (Anti-Press Ezine). The person who used to run the mail list decided to concentrate on other endeavors and I thought I would go the blog route. But I find I can't write on regular basis; my posting is random. For you that means checking back here and seeing that I haven't added anything fresh lately. So by returning to an email subscription, I'm making it easier to get the word out, i.e., my newest thoughts will pop right into your mailbox when they're ready to fly. It won't be an ezine format, just individual essays.

On the downside with email subs, be aware that you might sign up and miss an email because your spam filter junks my message. I've been checking my spam folders lately, finding email from a previously approved address had been dumped. So you might want to check your spam folder if you don't hear from me in a really long time.

If you have any comments you want to share about my mail list, please contact me at antipress1@yahoo.com . You can comment here at Blogger but sometimes comments don't get through - another reason why I decided to set up a Yahoo group.

UPDATE: OK, I just did a test sub with my Yahoo group and found the confirmation email in my spam folder. So if you do sub via email only, then check your spam and see if your confirmation reply was also filtered out.

When you click on the link in the confirmation email, it will take you to a page that will ask you if you want to join Yahoo and be a group member that way. Below that box is an option for being on the mail list only, using your own email to receive messages. But it seems if you don't join Yahoo, you can't access the archived group messages. This Yahoo group business might be a bigger pain in the neck than Blogger.

Isn't it wonderful how computers save time?

Iraq Is Screwed

2007-01-31T05:12:00.000-05:00

Meet The Press. A talking heads program where politicians and other so-called experts bloviate about the leading issues of the day.

I usually don’t watch such TeeVee sideshows because the guests put so much spin on their comments that I get vertigo. Or they just evade giving a straight answer, talking in circles until I get vertigo anyway.

But I did watch a few minutes the other day because the host, Tim Russert, had four guests sitting around the square table with him to discuss the Iraq War.

What I found interesting is that all the guests, whether pro- or anti- troop surge, didn’t come out and state the obvious. Senator Chuck Schumer discussed a new approach in Iraq, redeploying the troops. Well, Chuck, you can talk about moving around the troops all you want. The fact is that nothing can change the situation over there. Iraq is destabilized. Iraq is royally fucked. Not only do you have to deal with the factions fighting among themselves, there are neighboring countries supporting the internecine violence for their respective ends.

The genie of chaos is out of the bottle. It’s time to face up to the truth. “Surging” – a blatant euphemism for escalation – will at best delay the inevitable. Pour in 21,000 or 210,000 more troops, it doesn’t matter. The Iraqis will keep fighting among themselves. After a period of death and destruction, they might somehow form some sort of new order or find their country divided up by their neighbors. But it won’t be any democracy or anything akin to a structure of influence and control the American Empire sought when it invaded.

One guest on Meet The Press, Michael Gerson, a former speechwriter for “our” president, said that “the standards of victory probably are a little lower right now.” (Link) I just love that double speak. Victory means you win. How can you take winning and equate it “lower standards?” Does “victory” mean we manage to reduce the number of American soldiers being killed each week while chaos rages on? Does “victory” mean that the US has succeeded if it’s not driven out of Iran, that the American presence can at least hide in the Green Zone while the rest of Iraq falls apart?

This clown Gerson probably wrote another memorable line I cherish. Dubya stated last month that he was "disappointed by the pace of success" in Iraq. (Link)

But leave it to a conservative Republican to redefine a word, to apply a phase that really doesn’t fit. I love it when rightwing talk show hosts like Rush Limbaugh vilify someone like me, saying that I want defeat. I don’t want defeat. It would be great if peace came to Iraq and the people ended up with a better government than the tyranny they had with Saddam Hussein.

But what I want and what I see is going to happen are two different things.

Don’t worry about Rush Limbaugh and all the other dogmatic neo-cons. When the US finally fails in Iraq, he and his ilk will blame it on the “liberals,” claiming that they gave strength to the enemy by questioning the mistakes committed by the president. Victory could have been ours, Rush will say, if those damn “liberals” didn’t undermine the heroic efforts of George W. Bush.

In a word: bullshit.

But that’s how conservative pundits and politicians play the game, demonizing any who disagrees. Demonization is key when trying to inflame hearts and minds into war. Remember how the France spoke out against the invasion of Iraq? At the congressional cafeteria French fries were called “victory” fries.

But this is nothing new. Before World War I, the Germans had to be demonized by American politicians and newspaper publishers during the ramp up to battle. All sorts of nasty things were said about the “evil Huns.” And during that time Sauerkraut was called “victory” cabbage.

Those who don’t learn from history…

So let the neo-cons rant on all they want about “victory” in Iraq. It ain’t gonna happen. At best, continued US occupation is only slowing the inevitable.

Neo-cons call people in favor of troop withdrawal “cut and run defeatists.” Once again trying to make an inappropriate phrase stick.

But it’s not about “cutting and running.” It’s really about cutting our losses.

A Bit of Smoke But No Fire?

2007-01-22T23:47:00.000-05:00

It started with President Richard Nixon and the Watergate Scandal. Some bungling burglars broke into the Democratic campaign headquarters at the Watergate Hotel and they were caught, leading to a series of events that drove “Tricky Dick” from the White House after he won re-election.

The last syllable from Watergate was used as a convenient suffix to describe other political debacles that came down the pike after Nixon’s resignation: Irangate, Koreagate, Billingsgate, and so forth.

But scandals aren’t limited to the big boys. There might be a ‘gate here in Plattsburgh: Firegate, if you will.

The Press-Republican (news)paper reported that the new burghomaster, Mayor Donald Casper-Zack, is upset that the city fire department has been shredding documents related to its financial activities. (Sunday, Jan. 21, 2007.) The burghomaster also ordered that the computer files of all city departments be copied, noting concerns about the sabotage of data and problems with "secrecy."

The fire chief contends that nothing suspicious is going on; it is only shredding documents as part of its regular schedule to handle accumulating files. And he also stated there was no “sabotage” coming out of his department. [ LINK ]

This follows a PR editorial (December 7, 2006) that stated that during a budget hearing with the fire department, it was revealed that no city department was keeping track of expenditures, especially overtime, during the four months the city had no chief financial officer to oversee spending. (Why this was mentioned in an editorial and not an article is puzzling. After all, some readers skip over editorials and only look at hard news stories.) [ LINK ]

The new burghomaster is concerned about overspending and rising taxes. It has been said that a previous mayor from many years ago, Carlton Renal, gave away too much to the fire department during contract negotiations. When asked about the alleged “giveaway,” Renal stated after he left office that it wasn’t true, the fire department got a fair shake from him. He was quoted in the (news)paper after a reporter contacted him at his retirement home in Florida. (Remember: Plattsburgh is a great place to live.)

So is someone blowing smoke? I’m waiting to see if this turns into a five-alarm story.

In the meantime, if the fire department runs a professional shredding operation, maybe it should raise some cash for the city by providing its services to other organizations such as the National Security Agency.

On second thought, maybe that wouldn't work. After all, the NSA is in the secrecy business. If the fire department learns some neat tricks with data records and shredding, such knowledge might not benefit the taxpayers.

Tell Me How To Think

2007-01-15T16:53:00.000-05:00

“Let me tell you what this means.”

Yes, Sean Hannity. I tune into your radio program so that you can talk to me like an idiot child who doesn’t know how to tie his shoes, who is unaware of what is really happening with the Iraq War.

For those who aren’t familiar with Sean, he’s another conservative political anal-yst in the tradition of Rush Limbaugh – but without Limbaugh’s charm.

This afternoon Sean was trying to explain why we should continue to wage the dead end conflict in Iraq by comparing President George Dubya with Abe Lincoln, showing how Dubya and Abe are cut from the same sacred cloth, claiming there are direct parallels between the Iraq War and the American Civil War.

There has been controversy lately that Dubya pushed aside generals who didn’t agree with his doomed vision, putting yes-men in charge to carry out his insanity. Sean portrayed Dubya as another Lincoln who also had to fire generals until he got the right commander who would win the war. And, don’t forget, Lincoln also increased troop strength to settle the struggle with the South.

This argument reminds me of a discussion I had one time with someone who was upset that I thought the Iraq War was Vietnam II. He said: “There’s no comparison. Two different wars. Vietnam was a jungle; Iraq is a desert.”

Location, location, location. What is a top priority for business is also vital to any war.

But what I find interesting is that Sean and his ilk are so uber-conservative that you could imagine what roles they would be playing if they had lived during the Civil War. Back then they would be pro-slavery, trying to conserve the good life of the South. After all, abolishing slavery would ruin the economy for the southern states. And the Economy is god over all.

So I can see Sean being a public relations flak for the Confederacy. He would be saying stuff like “a good whipping improves the character of a Negro.” And when the tide turned and it was inevitable the South was going to lose, he would still be backing President Jefferson Davis, saying what a great man he was, that if the Confederacy just kept fighting, victory could be snatched from the jaws of defeat.

Is that a reasonable – even fair – comparison, envisioning Sean Handjobity as a Confederate bloviator?

Hey, it’s just as good as what he comes up with during his radio program for conservative non-thinkers.

Stan Spire

Xmas 2006: A Celebration Of Inflatable Crap

2006-12-25T02:34:00.000-05:00

Regurgitating The News

2006-12-20T22:13:00.000-05:00

Last year a porn movie was filmed in Plattsburgh; college students were recruited as local talent. Controversy has arisen with the recent release of the movie: Plattsburgh University looks bad and there also is the issue of safe sex.

Did Plattsburgh’s daily (news)paper break this story? No, it was first reported in the student newspaper at Plattsburgh U, Cardinal Points, as front page news.

Even though the daily paper claims it is in “the breaking news business,” The PeePee didn’t cover the porn movie controversy until after the college paper lead the way. The article by The PeePee was more or less a re-write of the Cardinal Points story.

(Note: The college newspaper is printed under an arrangement with The PeePee, using its presses.)

More recently it came to light that a NENYland town justice was engaging in dubious activities, counseling young defendants outside his court, running his own “probation program” as such. The town where the justice operates, Keeseville, is in the The PeePee’s news coverage area. Did it break that story?

No. The story was featured on the front page of The New York Times (Thursday, Dec. 14, 2006). All The PeePee did was repeat the essentials of the NYT article.

What is going on? As I mentioned before on this blog, the Albany Times Union ran a piece about a former Plattsburgh mayor who was just hired for a top state job. While he was still mayor, the new appointee had starred in a TeeVee ad for a furniture store in downtown Plattsburgh that was going out of business. There was a good reason why the Times Union brought up that fact: the former mayor was now employed in a high level position with the Department of Corrections, but apparently he didn’t know that the two men who ran the furniture store had criminal records. They had been arrested some time ago by the FBI for selling cable TeeVee descramblers.

Plattsburgh is an overgrown small town. It ain’t that big. Neither the former mayor nor the Plattsburgh daily paper knew about that FBI bust? Anyway, for some reason, The PeePee didn’t mention the Times Union piece.

But at least it did fill everyone in that it is under new ownership. In a special editorial the publisher stated nothing would change; The PeePee will still maintain high standards of journalism.

Really.

Maybe it’s time for The PeePee to get its reporters out of the office and into the field, working some sources. You know, report the news, instead of regurgitating it.

Until then, I’ll have to read the Plattsburgh University Cardinal Points, the Albany Times Union, and the New York Times to find out what is going on in my backyard.

TeeVee Cop, Propaganda Minister

2006-12-18T18:17:00.000-05:00

Pay attention if you ever watch the Dragnet episode, Big Seventeen. Made in the 1950s, it’s instructive how facts can be skewed as part of The War On (Some) Drugs.

Dragnet was produced by Jack Webb who also starred in the series as Detective Joe Friday of the Los Angeles Police Department. Friday is an ideal cop to the point of being an unemotional cyborg: he mechanically goes through his paces without encountering any gray areas.

In Big Seventeen Friday and his partner are called in to investigate a riot at a neighborhood movie house. Apparently some teens went nuts in the lobby, smashing up the place. Was it because the matinee that afternoon really sucked? No. You see the answer seems to lie within a small cardboard box left behind at the scene. Inside the box are a couple of “marijuana cigarettes,” seen in a close-up.

But later on when one of the riotous teens is being interviewed at the station, he fesses up, explaining he and his buddies have also been doing yellow jackets and bennies. But since we don’t see those drugs, we only see the joints a couple of times up close, then the inattentive viewer is lead to think that pot, not amphetamine pills, turned the teens into violent maniacs.

Of course, it’s a known fact that pot leads to the harder stuff. The leader of the doping delinquents ends up shooting some heroin. He’s found face down in a pool in the park, D-E-D.

During the investigation we see Friday and his partner sucking on cigarettes, the tobacco kind. Nicotine fiends. And it’s a known fact that cigarettes lead to the hard stuff: alcohol.

But it’s all about The War On (Some) Drugs.

No Reason For The Season

2006-12-17T00:37:00.000-05:00

Here we go again. Another news story about getting through the holidays with less stress.

Fighting the crowds at the mall; trying to find that perfect gift; putting on a phony smile while hosting “friends” and relatives you can’t stand.

Jump those holiday hurdles. And what does the latest newspaper article suggest for ways you can keep your sanity? Relax, take a deep breath. Have a nice cup of tea. Take a nap. Shoot a little heroin. Whatever. Just regain your strength so that you can get back in the race. Jump, jump, jump!

Of course, the article says that one should keep in mind the reason for the season. This advice emphasizes the spirituality of Xmas. After all, it really celebrates the birthday of the Prince of Peace.

Does it? No one really knows when Jesus was born. And if you do a little research, you’ll learn why Xmas falls around the winter solstice. Paganism. The same reason why people cut down and haul trees into their homes, decorating them with manmade crap.

At least it isn’t as bad as the observance of Christ’s resurrection. Ever notice how Easter is celebrated a different time each year? How can that be? Gandhi was assassinated on January 30th and the anniversary of that event doesn’t move all over the calendar. But it would if it was observed, like Easter, on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox. Full moon? Vernal equinox? How can this be? Simple: paganism, right down to the fertility symbols of the rabbit and the eggs.

But commercialism has trumped paganism during Xmas. There’s a TeeVee ad showing a well-off black couple celebrating the holidays. And what did he get his wife? Diamonds. The reason why so many of his black brothers have suffered and died in South Africa, thanks to De Beers. But a diamond is forever. And so are the sins of oppression.

But I suspect if you mention the history behind diamonds to a rich black or a wealthy white liberal, either one would somehow justify buying diamonds. It’s amazing how money affects one’s conscience.

Just like Xmas. I’ve never seen a news story telling people not to participate in the materialistic greed of the season. Instead, such articles explain how to at least keep participating, albeit with a scaled back schedule. No one tells them to drop out, saying “Fuck it!” to the whole deal. That would destroy the economy. If fewer businesses brought Xmas ads, due to a lack of interest by consumers, then the Teevee networks and the newspapers would suffer.

So next Xmas you’ll see the news media recycling the same stories about handling holiday stress. What is the logic behind a person allowing society at large to influence, even dictate, how one should behave, even if it means driving oneself crazy?

By going along with the standard advice about relieving holiday stress, you’re screwing around with the symptom, not the cause. Attack the cause.

Try a different approach. Say “Fuck it!” to the holidays.

And if my advice doesn’t work, it drives you crazier, then you can rejoin the fold for next year’s fleecing.

Headitorial: Don’t Kiss Your Balls Goodbye

2006-12-09T13:35:00.000-05:00

Recently a local business had Xmas ornaments stolen from its façade, including kissing balls. We at Anti-Press are shocked that such a despicable act can occur during this holiday season of Peace On Earth, Good Will Towards All Men.

At the same time businesses have to stay on the ball and make sure that their decorations aren’t too tempting for the Screwges lurking in the long winter night. Apparently kissing balls are the rage this year and extra steps must be taken.

Make sure your balls are firmly attached. Sagging balls can be tempting, so keep them out of reach. Keep an eye on your balls, especially with osculating strangers. When not in use, keep your balls in a loose sack, safely stored at room temp.

And most importantly: during this holiday season, never engage in juvenile humor.

A Penny For Your Phots

2006-12-09T13:24:00.000-05:00

The Plattsburgh (news)Paper – called The PeePee for short – has gone under a change of ownership. So what does this mean for its daily coverage of events here in NENYland, the northeastern corner of New York State?

In a special editorial, the publisher declared his paper would stay the course. He stated The PeePee would “still have the same high standards of journalistic excellence.” [sic] He also stated no personnel changes were expected during the transition, adding it was “good news for us, as well as for you, who are used to a consistently high-quality product every day.” [sic]

On page B1 in the Friday, December 8th edition of The PeePee, there was an image of a volleyball game. In was noted in the caption that more “phots” [sic] from the game would be available at the PeePee’s Website. This statement was in bold print for added emphasis.

Such typos and other dumb mistakes happen too often, especially for a paper that uses a computer system – or, to be more accurate, underuses a computer system, never bothering to take advantage of its correction features.

Maybe the PeePee tried to save money and didn’t opt for the spell check. If that’s the case, the new owners can buy a spelling correction program for its latest acquisition. Or even hire an old-fashioned human proofreader.

After all, it takes a bit of work to maintain high standards of journalistic excellence.

Where Else But Plattsburgh, NY?

2006-12-05T09:43:00.000-05:00

Humor is a relative experience. After living in NENYland for too many years, what I find funny could be incomprehensible to an outsider.

Case in point: An item I came across in the book, Sacre Blues: An Unsentimental Journey Through Quebec (2000). The author, Taras Grescoe, was raised in British Columbia, spent a few years living in Paris, and now lives in Montreal. His nonfiction book provides insights into Quebec and its people through history, sociology, and popular culture.

In the area of popular culture, Grescoe talks about Canadian television and what has been produced in the way of Quebec-flavored entertainment. La petite vie is a situation comedy about the dysfunctional Pare family, headed by its bearded patriarch, Popa.

In his description, Grescoe says:

“The Pare family are determinedly lower middle class, xenophobic, and utterly indifferent to anything beyond lottery tickets, recipes for pate chinois (a kind of shepherd's pie with corn), and their perpetual squabbles... Disgusted to learn that they've won an all-expenses-paid voyage to Hong Kong in a raffle, Moman and Popa trade it for 100 trips to Plattsburgh - a New York State border town 45 minutes from Montreal.”

That plot summary is hilarious – at least to me. To most of you, it might produce a confused chuckle or head-scratching.

How do I begin to explain why it’s so funny? I could tell you to look through the Plattsburgh phone book and count all the surnames of Francophone origin, including the ones that have been Anglicized. Or to think about the terms “xenophobic” and “lower middle class.” Maybe the historical phrase, “Blue Light Special at K-Mart,” might give you some proper insight.

But Plattsburgh and the surrounding region have to be experienced personally.

If you can stand it.

Withdrawl Symptoms

2006-11-21T00:13:00.000-05:00

Years ago the Plattsburgh Paper shitcanned its proofreader. And since then local readers have been treated to some wonderful blunders. Hey, I make mistakes, but at least I run a spellcheck program. But some wordsmiths at the Paper don’t even bother to do that.

Try this headline on the front page of the 11/20/06 edition:

What’s a withdrawl timetable? Curbing violence within a few weeks by teaching Iraqis how to speak slower with a Southern accent? (“You’all shouldn’t be firin’ those weppuns, sho nuff.”)

Like A Screen Door On A Submarine

2006-11-20T23:22:00.000-05:00

Securism. Extreme, ineffective security measures. Vain, usually costly, regulations and systems that won’t completely eliminate the threat of terrorism.

For example, after 9/11 Plattsburgh University developed a new set of security protocols. In 2003, when Homeland Security evaluated the treat level as “high” due to the start of Vietnam War II, on-campus students were given new codes to gain access to their dorms. Problem: some codes were too complicated to recall. Solution: students traded codes, seeking out the easiest ones to remember.

So much for that security system.

Now PU is spending about $900,000 to install another security system. The new codeless set-up will feature proximity-card readers. No need to remember a code and punch it in on a keypad. Buildings will be locked 24/7. A card-carrying student will be allowed to enter any dorm building during the day, but at night his access will be restricted to his residence hall. This new and improved system should be in operation for fall semester, 2007.

Within one month of operation, I predict the PU students – who are young, impatient, and value convenience and freedom - will figure a way around the new system.

As I’ve stated before, fear-mongering has blown the actual threat of terrorism into an all-powerful boogeyman, The Specter of Terrorism. Some pols use the Specter to haunt our minds and keep us in line while our rights are infringed and tax-money is flushed down the toilet.

Yes, terrorists can strike. But practical measures should be taken. After all, what difference will a codeless system make if some wacko decides to detonate a dirty bomb?

[SOURCE: Plattsburgh State project to improve security By RYAN HUTCHINS; Press-Republican, Monday, 11/20/06 – Page A5.]

A Trick Or Treat Question

2006-11-01T04:58:00.000-05:00

Did anyone dress up for Halloween as CBS-TeeVee news anchor Katie Couric?

I mean, have you seen her? She doesn’t look human. Look at how smooth her complexion is. She’s around 50 years old; not a wrinkle. Her face is a plastic mask. And her hair. There’s a difference between blonde and yellow.

Of course, CBS couldn’t continue its Evening News with some old fart like Bob Schieffer. Well, he did look human, a few wrinkles, white hair. But TeeVee news – which started out as a public service – is now a business. A good-looking youngish blonde sells more Glade Plug-Ins, even if she looks like an inflatable non-human.

I must admit I haven’t seen Katie doing her bit on the CBS Evening News. I don’t watch any of the evening news programs; they’re all crap. Also, I will agree that I am attacking Katie not on her performance, just on her appearance.

But isn’t that the reason why she was hired?

I mean, besides Katie being “perky.” As you know, Walter Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow are regarded as great journalists because of their perkiness.

Halloween Faux Pas?

2006-10-31T05:55:00.000-05:00

Check out this image from a recent edition of the Plattsburgh paper.

The cutline that accompanied this photo stated: Blanche Dupraw has a smile for Ryan Kunath, 7, of West Chazy, dressed in the guise of the Grim Reaper for CVPH Medical Center’s Skilled Nursing Facility’s Halloween parade on Sunday.

What a perfect costume for the occasion. Nothing is so uplifting to an elderly person with only days to live than a visit by Death personified.

Maybe one of the kids dressed up as the Human Torch before he visited the burn unit.

It's News, Mr. Vincenzo!

2006-10-31T05:30:00.000-05:00

The Plattsburgh (news)paper has been covering the financial problems facing the city, low funds and rising taxes. OK, no problem there. But then it published an editorial talking about an audit being withheld from the public that would clear up a lot of questions about how bad the situation is with the city's finances. The editorial, dated October 24, 2006, at one point comments:

"There could be another concern, which we've heard voiced several times around town: The employees of the Chamberlain's Office want to keep the audit from the public until after Election Day for fear tax-conscious [mayoral] candidate Donald Kasprzak will gain more support, be elected and react by cutting city jobs — particularly in the Chamberlain's Office.

"We have no idea whether that is actually the motivation for failure to disclose the information in the audit..."

Later on, the editorial states:

"There was no chamberlain at the time to certify what he was saying. James Buran had resigned to take another job. Now, we hear troubling reports that Stewart had been pressuring Buran to help him cover up unbecoming figures.

"We certainly don't know that to be true..."

Hey, this crap is no better than what I could hear on the street. The only difference is that the paper uses qualifying terms like along the lines of "we don't know if this is the real story, but..."

Sometimes qualifiers have to be used, but it would be better to skip the verbal hedging and deal with facts. Whatever happened to investigative reporting? Instead of repeating rumors, go out and find out if they have any validity. If false, then tell the readers. If true, then tell the public. But don't repeat scuttlebutt from the street. Hell, even bloggers can do that!

As one muckraking reporter vociferously explained to his boss, the purpose of a newspaper is to publish the news.

Lightbars? We Need No Steenking Lightbars

2006-10-23T02:58:00.000-04:00

In the days of the wild west, it was easy to tell the good guys from the bad ones. According to old Hollywood westerns, the good cowboys wore white hats while the baddies preferred black. During a shoot-out or chase, it was easy to tell who was who, especially before movies were shot in color.

In more recent times it was easy to tell a marked police car from a civilian one. Even without its flashers on, a police car had a telltale outline on its roof: the lightbar.

But lately I noticed that the city is shifting to a “stealth” car, i.e., a marked car without a rack of red lights atop its roof. Now the emergency flashers are installed inside the grillwork and along the edge of the windshield.

The other night I went for a walk along the main drag into town, a four lane straightaway where people are known to speed. I noticed two cars stopped next to each other, facing in opposite directions, parked along the center yellow stripe. The drivers had their windows rolled down, gabbing. Neither vehicle had its four-way flashers on.

Great, I thought. Some speeding truck or car is going to spot these guys at the last minute. Maybe the speeder will screech up behind them and lay on his horn.

But as I approached the two vehicles, I noticed their markings. Two city police units. If they had been equipped with lightbars, I would have realized that much sooner. Even with dim street lighting, a rooftop flasher rack is easy to spot.

It seems to be part of a trend. The city patrol cars used to be community-friendly light blue and white; now they’re authoritarian black and white. And with them blending in so easily with other vehicles, thanks to the elimination of the lightbar, it suggests a growing police state state-of-mind.

Especially when the Homeland Security helicopter is flying overhead.

If Condolences Could Be Bottled

2006-10-10T01:05:00.000-04:00

Sunday. Around 3 AM. Two guys are fighting in the street, wrestling, in a town located in the northeastern corner of New York State, AKA NENYland. A car hits both men, killing one, critically injuring the other. The operator of the vehicle is described in the front page article as an “allegedly drunken driver.”

One witness quoted in the article said she saw the driver stumbling all over the road, apparently intoxicated.

The article also notes that someone left some flowers near the scene of the accident, a simple roadside memorial sitting on the grass. A photograph shows the flowers neatly tucked inside a Michelob Light beer bottle.

What a fitting tribute, NENYland style.

(P-R Photo/Rachel Moore)

[Source: http://www.pressrepublican.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20061009/NEWS/610090303/1001&ts=ts1]

A Terrorist Purse Snatcher?

2006-10-08T03:13:00.000-04:00

Check the police log in the daily Plattsburgh paper for Thursday, October 5th, 2006. Look for the item entitled LARCENY INVESTIGATION, dateline Plattsburgh.

The item explains that the City Police are searching for an alleged purse thief who struck Tuesday night at a “laundromat” [sic]. According to the police report, a woman was taking care of her laundry when she noticed a man leaving, her purse in his possession.

OK, what’s so interesting about that? Some guy is accused of grabbing a handbag. Yes, it’s unfortunate that the woman had to lose her IDs and everything else in her purse, but such things happen all the time. Why am I pointing out this article?

The police log goes on to describe the manhunt for the thief, including this detail:

“A Homeland Security helicopter was in the area on unrelated matters and assisted police with the search.”

Now that fact I find interesting. It leads to some questions.

What were the “unrelated matters” that the Homeland Security was handling before it joined the hunt for the purse snatcher? Obviously, those matters weren’t that important: they were quickly dropped so that the helicopter crew could fly around, looking for a petty thief.

I thought Homeland Security was mainly concerned about our border to the north with Canada. Shouldn’t that helicopter be occupied with flying along there, trying to detect any enemies trying to sneak into the US of A?

How much does it cost to run and maintain that helicopter? Gee, that helicopter couldn’t be a big chunk of flying pork, could it? You know, those guys are up there, circling around, looking for something to do. They listen to the police scanner, ready to swing into action when a dangerous purse snatcher is on the loose.

But I could be wrong. Maybe the terrorists, dedicated to blowing up these United States, are trying to raise money by stealing purses. There might be enough loose bills in one purse to buy some firecrackers. And maybe some sparklers, too.

Consume! Inhale! (Repeat)

2006-10-03T04:41:00.000-04:00

Gotta keep the economy going. Be a good consumer. Pay attention to all those ads on teevee. Believe what they tell you.

Your house stinks! So maybe you should open a window and let in some fresh air? Hell, no! You have to eliminate odors with a Glade plug-in air freshener. Just jam it into an electrical outlet and the chemicals inside will permeate the room, hopefully without any carcinogenic effects. Now inhale that perfumed stale air. Doesn't it smell better?

Stuffed up? Did you take your Flonase spray? Make sure to squirt it in each nostril before allergy symptoms occur. Inhale it deep. Take it every day or it won’t work. You know, like heroin.

Is your house stinky AND boring? Get a Glade Lightshow Plug-In. Just plug it into a wall and a nice smell and pretty lights will be simultaneously emitted.

Did take your Flonase? Remember, you have to take your Flonase everyday to keep your sinuses unstuffy. And this just came in: According to an unspecified study mentioned in a rumor that someone repeated in an elevator the other day, Flonase might (or might not) be appropriate to treat hemorrhoids. So buy an extra inhaler and jam it up your ass. Just make sure not to get it mixed up with the one you use for your nostrils. Make sure to use Flonase everyday, every hour.

Wait, what’s irritating your nose? Maybe you’re allergic to all that Glade scent saturating the air. No, of course not. You just forgot to take your Flonase…

How To Unfuck A Downtown

2006-10-03T02:59:00.000-04:00

The proposal: take a parking lot and build on it a combo apartment building-retail space-parking garage complex. This will be the salvation of downtown Plattsburgh, NY.

Just like all the other projects that were going to revitalize downtown. Hey, let’s convert convenient two-way streets into inconvenient one-way streets. Hey, let’s widen the sidewalks and narrow main street, making it difficult to park. Hey, let’s replace our efficient, white streetlights with antique lampposts featuring antique garish lighting that floods the sky with an ugly, urine stain glare, a waste of energy. Hey, let’s try diagonal parking, even though it’s confusing to drivers.

On and on it goes. No master plan. Just tear this down here, build this over there. Let’s try this crazy scheme, no let’s do that one.

And what you end up with is a patchwork of failed half-ass projects.

All paid for by tax dollars. Citizens lose, but usually the pols stay ahead of the game, not one dime lost on their part.

Look around downtown Plattsburgh and you’ll see how innovation for its own sake has fucked up the area.

One solution is to put things back the way they were, at least those things that worked properly.

No, not diagonal parking. But narrow the sidewalks and widen the street so that traffic flow and parking isn’t such a pain in the ass. Wide streets worked for decades with no problems.

Return to the modern streetlights, the hooded type that casts pleasant white light downward where it’s needed, instead of wastefully staining the sky with a piss glow.

Make it easy to get around town. One-way streets are great for moving traffic through an area quickly. If you want people to stay a while, then have two-way streets. That way they can drive around the block, instead of going out of their way for three blocks because of a useless one-way street.

And whatever you do, DON’T FUCK UP THE PARKING. The biggest complaints about downtown are parking, parking, parking. Don’t build on a parking lot and eliminate the easy access it provides. One main reason why the malls beyond the city limits have been kicking downtown’s ass into a pulp is because they offer LOTS OF FREE, CONVENIENT PARKING.

Try to look at the overall picture: traffic flow, parking, easy access, etc. The answer is obvious: people want convenience.

That’s why they’ve been going elsewhere.

Streets Torn Up To Hell? Let’s Have A Parade!

2006-09-11T02:33:00.000-04:00

Two weeks ago a Plattsburgh virgin (i.e., someone who has never lived here before) asked me if the streets being rebuilt around city hall would be ready for the Battle of Plattsburgh celebration. After all, they couldn’t hold a parade with the streets in such rough shape, could they?

I smiled. This is Plattsburgh, I replied. They would hold the parade even if the streets turned into quicksand.

And so BOP 2006 was held, parade and all, during the weekend with the rebuilding incomplete. Stirred up dust permeated the air, ready to irritate noses and lungs. Large gravel was scattered about in oversized depressions, waiting to trip up someone and break an ankle. Visitors to the city had to be pleasantly impressed by such attention to detail.

Fortunately, it did rain before the parade, so the dust problem settled down, just leaving deep puddles in the ripped up streets. But one still had to watch out for the gravel, especially if they were wearing sandals.

There was no reason to hold the parade using the same route in front of city hall. Main Street was still in good shape except for one rough intersection, so the parade could have gone that way, at least for this year.

But such forward thinking can’t be tolerated in such a narrowed-minded, provincial town. Tradition is tradition; change is hardly an option.

In justifying the strict adherence to tradition, one local (half)wit associated with BOP stated that there would be no problem holding the event as usual with the streets in such substandard condition. In fact, said the wit, it would make Plattsburgh more like 1814 when the Battle of Plattsburgh was fought. After all, they didn’t have paved streets back then.

And during the War of 1812 they didn’t have the advances in medicine that we take for granted today. So if the streets fit the period, why not add some more authentic details? How about an outbreak of cholera? Just give out free bottles of contaminated water. And for more period detail, throw in an epidemic of scarlet fever for the kids.

Hell, let the re-enactors load up with real shot in their rifles. Let the blood flow, just like the good old days.

Put real cannonballs in the cannons and let them rip. And if the sewage treatment plant is hit during the reenactment of the land battle –- hey, war is hell. Shit happens.

PSA = BS

2006-08-16T04:04:00.000-04:00

It on appears on teevee every night, late at night, in the hopes that anxious insomniacs, blurry-minded drunks, and half-sleepy sheeple won’t detect its disingenuousness.

“Hi, Mr. President,” says some high school girl off camera. “My parents believe that eating meals together will make our country strong. Is this something that you did when you were a kid?”

President Boob is strutting back and forth on stage in front of a crowd of fawning Republicans, going along with the set-up, letting the girl recite her prepared statement. Then, on cue, the Commander-In-Chimp manages to remember his line, despite a rocky start:

“I—I—I—I did eat with my family, so long as my mother wasn’t cooking.”

Suddenly Godzilla – oops, I mean Barbara Bush – pops on the screen. “It’s not good to make fun of your mother,” she sniffs, “even if you are president.”

Really. Well, it’s not good saying Hurricane Katrina victims huddled in a relocation shelter are a lot better off than they were back in New Orleans and the rest of Louisiana. Of course, poor people are the onus of the American royal class, noblesse oblige and all that, sniff, sniff.

Anyway, as the public service announcement glibly rolls on, Barbara talks about the importance of families having meals together, photos of the Bush clan when Prez Boob was a boy, all sitting around the table, sharing a Norman Rockwell moment. She states that children who eat more often with their families are less likely to smoke, drink, and use drugs.

Really. What about your son George? Stories of cocaine use and his troubles with drinking, at least one DWI arrest. Yup, family meals really kept him on the straight and narrow. (Also helped him to maintain his high IQ.)

Next thing you know, they’ll be running a PSA saying any kid who buys drugs is funding international terrorism. Oh, wait, they already did one.

How about a PSA that says that when an American citizen pays his taxes, he’s funding international terrorism. After all, think of that photo from the Reagan era, Donald Rumsfeld shaking hands with the USA’s best buddy, Saddam Hussein. And don’t forget our other best buddies from years ago, the Taliban.

No, they couldn’t run a PSA like that. It would be truthful.

Voices From NENYland

2006-08-14T02:41:00.000-04:00

So what is it like living in the northeastern corner of New York State? What great thinkers reside in that place they call God’s Country? As a public service, Anti-Press is honored to share some excerpts from recent letters to the editor of the Plattsburgh Paper. Such astute acumen must not be hoarded like precious jewels of wisdom.

This comes from a letter published 8/13/06:

“The present occupant of the White House tried to have international nations [sic] by, or rent, our port systems, and too much uproar had him retract his offer.

“His latest attack to we the people, was or still is, to again to have foreign nations [sic] buy or rent our infrastructure, mainly all tunnels and highway systems in these United States…

“And let’s not forget eminent domain, the disease that takes away property that is within [sic] families for generations. The state and civil governments bend to corporate America, perhaps for a price? Wake up, America, time is short, the Lord is on his way back.”

As I said, they call this area God’s Country. Here’s another excerpted letter to prove this point. The letter appeared on 8/12/06:

“…The smut sellers that the mayor allowed near shopping centers only help and promote [sex] crimes to happen. Selling pornography at shopping centers is a pathway to sex crimes and they are inviting the problem.

“If mayors keep carelessly allowing disgusting decay of decency, smut in our cities, you can expect crimes against women and children to get worse. Pornography is an immorality, a sin against God…”

And let’s not forget NENYland’s political pundits. These excerpts are from a letter to the editor dated 7/30/06:

“The Democrats consider George Bush to be Werebush, shape shifting creature of the night. In their liberal delusions, he can appear as Richard Nixon, Joe McCarthy, or Adolph Hitler as he stalks the White House halls plotting absolute dictatorship.

“What this view of the president really proves is that the Democrats are empty suits (panty hose, in the case of Hillary Clinton) held up solely by the gases of their own decay…

“Their all-consuming hatred of Bush has brought these Democrats to the point that they would rather snuggle with terrorists who bathe in camel urine than admit that this president has done anything right…”

And to wrap up this random selection of local voices, let me offer some advice:

When visiting NENYland, please set your watch back to 1953.

If The Jackboot Fits…

2006-08-09T03:42:00.000-04:00

In Plattsburgh, NY you have the college and the city. The college is referred to as Plattsburgh State. The city can be referred to as Plattsburgh Police State.

Word on the street: don’t take photographs.

For example, check out this story by someone who has been the focus of some inappropriate attention.

The cops like to bully photographers. It’s part of a trend across the country. Are the cops suffering from 9/11 paranoia or are they haunted by the specter of Rodney King? Or are they just bored and like to flex their legal muscle for personal entertainment? Or maybe the significant other had a headache again, no sex for a week, so it’s time to take out some frustration on Joe Citizen.

Anyway, if you like to take pictures, don’t do it when the Peeburgh cops are around. They will try to browbeat you. “What are you doing?” “You not allowed to take that shot.” “I want to see what you’ve been shooting; show me on your camera’s screen.”

Of course, there’s this document called the Constitution. The cops will trample both you and it if you go along with their bullying.

I wonder if the cops are using the same kind of intimidation against members of the mainstream media. I wonder how many images are suppressed, images that the public has a right to see.

I would advise shutterbug tourists to stay the hell away from Plattsburgh, NY – unless you like to be treated like a terrorist for just taking a snapshot. I would advise all photographers, amateur and professional, to avoid this crypto-Nazified pissantville until the city police decide to treat law-abiding citizens as human beings with rights.

And if the police bully you in an unconstitutional way, make sure to let others know. Announce it loud and clear. When the word gets out, that will keep more tourists away. Let’s hit them where it hurts – right in the wallet. After all, the true God of America is The Almighty $.

"Trash” News Beats Local Coverage

2006-07-21T02:43:00.000-04:00

Fate or just dumb luck?

I visit the city library on a regular basis, mainly to read the (news)paper for free and to take advantage of the high-speed Internet connection provided by the public access computers.

I had to wait for the reference librarian to return so that I could sign up for computer time. While standing there at her desk I noticed the pile of scrap paper that patrons may use to scribble notes. Most of the scrap is composed of one-sided computer printouts not needed anymore by the staff or left behind by patrons.

Since the paper was free to use, I decided it was also free to peruse. After all, I’m open to learning about different subjects, especially when I’m killing some time.

So I picked up a few sheets to check out the information they had to offer. The top sheet surprised me, a printout from the Albany Times-Union website; it dealt with Plattsburgh’s former mayor who now has a new job in Albany. It was surprising because it was news I hadn’t read in the Plattsburgh (news)Paper.

Background: Dan Stewart is a Republican. A fellow Republican by the name of Governor Pataki handpicked Stewart to become chairman of the state Commission of Corrections. Stewart left before his term as mayor was up and there’s an interim mayor running things until the next election decides who will be mayor.

There were a couple bits of controversy before Stewart switched jobs. One was whether or not he was qualified to be Corrections chairman. The other involved him appearing in a television commercial for a downtown furniture store going out of business, whether or not it was proper for a public official to give such an endorsement.

Stewart defended his appearance in the Affordable Furniture ad by stating he was promoting downtown and that the business owners didn’t compensate him.

Both bits of controversy slid down the memory hole and Stewart moved to Albany to start his new position.

But it seems the Affordable Furniture controversy may not be over, at least according to a Capitol Connection article that was originally published on July 3, 2006 in the Albany Times-Union. Entitled “Could be it’s a case of poetic justice,” the article explains that the owners of Affordable Furniture, Jack and Harold Pirofsky, have criminal backgrounds. In 1991, states the article, they were sentenced to a three-month stretch in jail and fined $20,000 for selling cable TV descrambling devices that enabled viewers to watch paid services free of charge. The FBI, be it noted, finds cable TV piracy to be a big no-no.

In his defense Stewart told the Times-Union that he would have declined to appear in the Affordable Furniture ad if he had known about the dubious background of its owners.

OK, that may be true. But Plattsburgh is a small city/overgrown town. Live here for a while and almost everyone knows everyone else. I find it interesting that Stewart has been a resident for many years and never heard about the Pirofskys’ descrambler scheme. After all, when the FBI investigates, it does make a something of a splash.

Obviously as mayor Stewart was in contact with the police chief. The chief didn’t know about the Pirofskys’ background? It never came up in any discussions between the mayor and the chief?

So maybe the former mayor didn’t know what was going on. If that’s true, then why is he qualified to be chairman of the Commission of Corrections, overseeing the prison system? Is he going to take everything at face value when dealing with others, making crucial decisions because the other guy seems so honest?

Of course, politics being what they are, maybe the Times-Union article is just trash talk. What galls me is that I have to find out about the controversy by stumbling upon it in a pile of discarded paper one step from the wastebasket.

Looks like I’ll have to keep digging through the trash to get the real news overlooked or omitted by the Plattsburgh Paper.

Happy Birthday, Artie

2006-07-16T23:35:00.000-04:00

Arthur Pope.

Born Plattsburgh, New York. July 16th, 1944.

And still hiding from the feds. Guilty of blowing up a napalm lab during the ugly days of the Vietnam War, accidentally blinding a janitor who shouldn’t have been there that night.

Living underground. No one has heard much about you since Judd Hirsch portrayed you in that 1988 movie. Running on empty. An appropriate title for a movie about your life.

You must feel empty since all you did, all you stood for, means nought in the Noughties, the first decade of the 21st century. History repeats itself. Another dead end war raging on overseas. Divisiveness at home. But so far the protests haven’t spilled over into the extreme measures you and your radical friends took.

Not too many famous – or at least notorious – people hail from Plattsburgh. Maybe we could all learn something from your “youthful indiscretions.” Because what you did screwed up the lives of your parents, your wife’s parents, your sons, and that unlucky janitor.

Before committing to extreme action that can’t be undone, some of today’s angry protestors might think twice after hearing your story. That’s why everyone should remember your birthday.

Happy Birthday, Sam.

Newspaper Survey: Error Margin +/- %1000?

2006-06-18T05:31:00.000-04:00

The Plattsburgh (news)Paper is still trying to stay hep with the Internet Age. For example, through the PeePee Web site, it’s acting like a cool cat, getting interactive, man, with its readers. Far out.

For example, the online surveys it conducts from time to time. Recently one survey asked for reader feedback in regards to the job performance of a controversial politician. With real surveys, the margin for error is usually low, maybe +/- %2.5, meaning the figure given could be higher or lower by that rate.

But what is the value of a survey with a wildly high response rate that makes any margin of error impossible to calculate? According to a PeePee article published 6/10/06, most surveys generate around 100 responses; the highest response on one hot topic was 196 (gas prices). But the survey regarding the controversial pol generated over 4700 responses; a majority, 75 per cent, were in favor of the man staying on the job.

As the article notes, at this time the paper has no way to stop people from manipulating the vote in any way they choose. So the question must be asked: why bother having a survey at all? An editor responded that the surveys are not intended to be “scientific,” but only an indicator of the public’s views.

But how can a survey be even an indicator of popular feeling when there’s no way to prevent extreme manipulation? The only thing indicated is someone can fudge the figures and there’s no way the paper can prevent it. The concept of interactivity is invalidated.

But the Plattsburgh Paper lumbers along, a squaresville dinosaur facing extinction because it can’t adapt to the new scene. It poses as a mammal, covering itself with some cool-looking fur, yet in the end it just keeps laying eggs. It’s beat –- but not in a good way.

Maybe it should try playing bongo drums, man.

Newspaper Advertising: A Distraction, Not A Deliverance

2006-06-07T01:26:00.000-04:00

“When a citizen spends as much time reading ads as editorials, it can only mean one thing. He’s in the market for a new car.”

Thus proclaims a full-page ad that recently appeared in the Plattsburgh Fishwrap Times. I never realized there was such a connection between editorial readers and car buyers.

This must mean that people who do the crossword puzzle are looking to buy a small third world country. Or those who read the comics, especially Blondie and Beetle Bailey, are seeking personal fulfillment through metaphysics.

The illustration with the ad is just –- well, weird. The ad talks about the latest hip thing in newspapers, online editions, but uses clip art from the 1890s, featuring an ancient horse buggy. This is the 21st Century, not the 19th. A high white collar buttoned tightly around a man’s neck, stiffly starched, cutting off circulation, ain’t even retro. Why use stuffy, outdated clip art to illustrate the NEW advertising opportunities offered by a paper?

But it’s all part of the disconnect between the corporations and the information-seeking audience. The corporations squeeze their newspapers for even more profit while people find other outlets for information. Instead of spending promotional money wisely, the corporations run lame ad campaigns that proclaim “Newspaper Advertising. A Destination, Not a Distraction.”

I keep reading about the crisis in newspaper publishing, how readership is declining. In fact, one newspaper was caught some time ago inflating its circulation figures just to keep charging top dollar for advertising.

But the hip ad says to contact your newspaper representative to find out about “the growing readership of newspaper media.” Is that referring to the old style print edition or is it also including the free online edition? If you buy an ad with the paper, does it include both formats? If readership is growing, why are many papers cutting back on their staffs?

Of course, I wouldn’t asking such questions if I wore a stiff collar wrapped around my neck, interrupting the flow of fresh blood to my brain.

Hey, Binky. Got Content?

2006-05-21T03:23:00.000-04:00

The Plattsburgh daily paper recently upgraded its website, making it easier for “interactivity.” As I explained in a previous article, I’m concerned how interactivity could be abused by a publisher, i.e., getting free content from an unsuspecting contributor.

So I clicked around the revised website, looking for any information in regards to copyright and a reader submitting material such as a photo. I went to the multimedia section; nothing there. I went to the registration page where one becomes a member of www.pressrepublican.com . No details on copyright.

I did notice that the registration form included mandatory check boxes. One box you are required to check off was that you had read the Terms Of Use and agreed to abide by them. But there was no link to the Terms.

And where was the copyright info?

I used the site’s SEARCH field and typed in “terms of use.” That took me to a page loaded with legalese –- but I found what I was seeking. Here’s the info that wasn’t that easy to locate, in the section called Public Areas:

“By submitting any information to the Public Areas, you are granting us a perpetual, royalty-free and irrevocable right and license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, distribute, transmit, publicly display, publicly perform, sublicense, create derivative works from, transfer, and sell such information and to use your name and other identifying information you provide in connection with information.”

[ http://www.pressrepublican.com/apps/pbcs.dll/misc?url=/static/forms/termsConditions.htm ]

There are references to the corporation controlling any submitted "information," including letters, reviews, and postings. The term "posting" covers a lot. It suggests that by posting a photo image, that "information" becomes the property of the publisher.

So if you have a potential money making photo or essay, make sure to submit it to this site so that the corporation that runs the newspaper can profit while you get zip. By clicking on that one box, you have given away all rights to your work.

Sucker.

Citizen Journalists or Unpaid Content Providers?

2006-05-15T04:27:00.000-04:00

“Even if they had one person in the office, running everything, the corporation would complain about the expense of that person’s salary.”

I overheard that comment the other day. This trend seems to be affecting too many companies. Cut people, cut costs, and make a fat profit for the shareholders.

The problem is that certain businesses –- like book publishers –- did OK if they made an 8 per cent profit for the year. Now the shareholders aren’t satisfied with such a relatively low return. They want more. That’s why the big companies are buying up the small ones, trying to corner the market. In the process less employees are required; the ones that remain are worked like donkeys. And eliminating competition means that captive consumers must depend upon you, an opportunity for bigger gains.

What has happened to book publishers is also happening to many newspapers. A newspaper is expected to perform like a big winner on Wall Street, even if it serves a small city. Every last bit of profit has to be squeezed out. The quality of the product has to be sacrificed for the quantity of profit.

But what can a newspaper do when it’s cut down to the bone?

The local paper charges a fee for obituary notices. As a public service it will provide a basic obit, but if you want to write the long story about the dearly departed, then you have to pay.

And people are apparently willing to spend the money. That’s why you now see long, rambling obits about the deceased who is now in the arms of the Lord after his long battle with an inflamed uvula, his favorite hobby was collecting shreds of used aluminum foil and wrapping them into one big greasy ball, his greatest joy in life was taking his beloved pet, Polonius the Platypus, on camping trips deep into the woods during black fly season, etc., etc. Purple prose that generates greenbacks.

Another way to cut costs is tapping into free content. The local paper has been running a page of photographs depicting soft news events, all submitted by readers. This leads to an interesting question: Why pay a staff photographer to cover an award ceremony when a reader will do it for free?

And if the quality of the image is kinda bad, so what? As long as Aunt Sally can tell that fuzzy blur is her niece, she’s happy.

Under certain circumstances the paper does reimburse freelance photographers. That’s good, but the freelancer should read the fine print in the form he submits for reimbursement. Usually he is signing away all rights to his work. Most of the time, that doesn’t make a difference.

But on those occasions when more income could be realized by ownership of the image, the freelancer is screwed. The paper –- I should say the corporation that runs the paper –- now has full control of the image. If by some incredible chance that pimply-faced teen you shot at a battle of the bands contest grows up to be a famous rock star, don’t expect to make any money from your photo, especially with a major advertising campaign.

Anyway, between readers covering the annual Podunk Picnic and freelancers taking care of the hard news, why bother with a staff photographer? In fact, with so many people running around with cell phone cameras, news images could be handled that way. And if the cell phone photographer wants a bit of money, pay him; it’s still cheaper than having a full time photographer on the staff. Anyway, the corporation will end up with all rights to the image if it’s something important. Work for hire after the fact.

The newspaper can now save money on “art,” so what to do with copy? After all, a reasonably written article involves more than a chimp that can type. Or maybe not. Editing can fix anything.

Consider these buzzwords: “citizen journalism” and “interactive news media” or “interactivity.”

Citizen journalism refers to individuals working outside the mainstream, providing information and viewpoints ignored or shunned by corporate media. With no oversight by higher-ups and no concern for the bottom line, a blogger or zinester can bring attention to stories that should be told.

Interactive news media is the concept that a mainstream journalist entity can work with its readers/viewers, a two-way channel where the audience is involved in the creation of stories and the selection of topics.

The Times Union newspaper in Albany, New York, has launched a program called TURN (Times Union Reader Network). According to an article published on May 8 (“We’ll offer you a TURN,” Page B7), TURN allows “reporters and editors to solicit information and opinion from readers via email.”

According to the editors it’s all part of the newspaper’s effort to become more “interactive.” As the article explains further:

“Sometimes the Times Union might ask for feedback on the newspaper or its coverage. Other times, the Times Union may ask for story ideas or referrals for stories. An example: Do you know someone who collects classic cars?”

Feedback can be good –- but isn’t that what Letters to the Editor is supposed to handle? Referrals are OK –- but why should the reader come up with story ideas? Isn’t that the job of the newspaper’s staff? Or maybe someone is trying to cut costs?

One could argue that the Times Union is seeking free content. In the next paragraph, the editors add:

“TURN also can be used to solicit readers’ comments on news events, such as the death of a public figure, or policy issues. Some viewpoints might be published.”

And how many free viewpoints will be substituted for a paid columnist?

Is this the beginning of the corporate corruption of “interactivity” and “citizen journalism?” Whenever mutation occurs, the dominant species, if it can’t destroy the new life form, will subsume it. With its influence, mainstream media can change the meanings of words, making the original definitions invalid, inoperable. Maybe I’ll overhear this comment in the near future:

“Yes, I’m a citizen journalist. I emailed my opinion to the paper on whether or not the mayor should be re-elected. Now the editor changed a few words and what I wrote originally was a little harsh, but most of what I said was the same, even though I was against the mayor running again because of his corporate connections, and what ended up in the paper seemed to support him, but at least I got my own viewpoint published.

“Payment? No, I don’t get paid. A citizen journalist is beyond such stuff. We write to get the truth out.”

Letter To Another Editor: Letter Writhing

2006-05-13T02:02:00.000-04:00

Letter writhing?

Don’t look at me. That term was used in a recent letter to the editor of the local (news)paper. The paper had published an opinion piece by a college professor, an essay that compelled a reader to respond.

The outraged reader challenged the left-wing views set forth by the college professor. He compared liberal professors to bovines stricken with mad cow disease, claiming that such professors all suffered from a brain infection that incapacitated rational thought.

In the opening paragraph the reader said he would try to be gentle, but “sometimes the letter writhing [sic] version of rough sex is the only thing that gets the juices flowing.”

(At least this reader isn’t homophobic. After all, he wants to engage in the expository equivalent of “rough sex” with another man, in this case, the college professor.)

With his cup running over with conservative juices, the reader said liberal college professors shouldn’t teach their opinions as facts to inexperienced youths. After all, young students might believe the professor knew the difference between “something and Shineola.”

Wrapping up his attack by piling on more “something,” the reader summed up by stating:

“As for the wimp-wristed peacenik nonsense: The graveyard is the only place on Earth where actual peace can be found; life is a dynamic struggle, not a placid nap. Professor, if you want America to be destroyed, then be a ‘peace activist,’ but if you want to survive, be a man.”

It takes a real man to writhe a letter like that.

Mayor’s Solution To Dog Shit Problem: Yell!

2006-05-03T22:48:00.000-04:00

Over the years Plattsburgh’s burghomaster has uttered pat –- and patently stupid –- statements in regards to city problems.

Take the issue of snow removal from city sidewalks during the winter. The city claims that property owners are responsible for clearing sidewalks adjacent to their homes after a storm. But some property owners don’t bother and let the snow pile up --even though the city supposedly hands out fines to such scofflaws.

The issue is debated every winter in the city common council. Nothing is done. And what does the mayor say?

“They’ll probably be debating this in the year 2050.”

Really. So how does that statement solve anything?

Recently there have been complaints about dog shit all over downtown, in the parks and on the sidewalks. Some owners aren’t picking up after their crap hounds. And what does the mayor say? Try this quote from the (news)paper:

"It's like shoveling sidewalks [from snow]; it's one of those issues that's always going to be around."

Yup, he hauls out his all-purpose “cycle of seasons” statement. Winter becomes Spring, Spring becomes Summer, etc. Great observation –- that means nothing. Ignoring the useless march of time analogy, maybe the burghomaster should break the cycle and fix the problem so that they’re not talking about it in the year 2050.

But the mayor doesn’t care. He’s leaving in a while, heading for a new job in Albany. The streets and parks downtown could be flooded with dog shit; well, too bad. It’s the next burghomaster’s problem. Of course, the present mayor says he will maintain a home in Plattsburgh –- but his house ain’t near downtown. (Isn’t that a surprise?) He lives in a nice section of town where dog shit isn’t tolerated.

According to the (news)paper, the mayor thinks the answer lies in the goodwill of the people. Huh? If said goodwill already existed, no dog shit would be found. Some dog owners are inconsiderate pigs. End of story.

Besides his “cycle of seasons” pat answer, the mayor proposed a “practical” solution to the unscooped dog shit problem. To quote him again from the (news)paper:

"And if someone sees someone leave dog poop, yell at them to pick it up."

Taxes have increased 27 per cent under this mayor and now he wants private citizens to do the city’s job, enforcing the pooper-scooper law? Then again, it’s no different than trying to make homeowners shovel snow from city sidewalks.

Let’s consider this “yelling” option. Mr. Citizen castigates a dog owner for not scooping up his pet’s mess. So the dog owner unleashes his pit bull, saying: “Gigantor, sic balls!”

And Mr. Citizen becomes Mr. Castrato.

A Near Fatality As A Learning Experience

2006-04-22T19:01:00.000-04:00

Getting hit by an oversized pickup truck while using a sidewalk is a great learning experience. You’ll soon learn how many real friends you have.

Keep in mind that I have done favors for friends in the past, from listening to their problems to giving them a ride somewhere when I owned a car.

After surviving the torture chamber masquerading as an emergency room at the hospital, I’m kinda limited in what I can do. The day after the accident I left a couple of messages on a friend’s machine. I just said I needed a favor.

That evening I was able to get the friend on the phone, around 7:30 PM. I asked her if she could give me a quick lift somewhere if she wasn’t busy. It would only take half-an-hour, if that, including travel and waiting time. She said she couldn’t help me: she was preoccupied with ironing her clothes for work tomorrow.

Today I spoke with someone at a downtown café who also doesn’t get around town by car; he walks everywhere. I wanted to let him know about my accident, in part because he passes through the same area where I was hit and thrown. He immediately launched into the latest news about himself, apparently not noticing my stiffness and discomfort. He went on about stuff I had already heard about five times before, his latest published work, what it was, where it was published, how many words it was, etc., etc., to the nth degree.

I got up from the table, telling him I had to leave because my back was tightening up from sitting too long. (One of the pleasurable aftereffects from being almost crushed under a truck.) I briefly mentioned to him my accident. He acted as if I was leaving because I had a slight cold. I suspect he was upset that I didn’t let him finish repeating his same routine ad nauseam.

Apparently telling “friends” that you have survived a potentially crippling/fatal accident involving a truck driving straight into you doesn’t mean anything nowadays. It’s just part of society’s changing mores.

So how many “friends” do you have?

Big Change: Mailing List Being Dropped

2006-04-06T01:25:00.000-04:00

For those who follow Anti-Press through the ezine version, APE, be advised that the mailing list is ending. Morbus at www.disobey.com is moving on to a new server and won't be keeping his mailing list service. I'm not set up to run one myself. He has offered to archive the plain text editions at his new server.

So this blog will be the main outlet for the latest writings of positive negativity.

I want to thank Morbus for managing the mailing list all these years and promoting Anti-Press to the world at large. When Anti-Press came to a quick dead end as a local print zine, Morbus offered to publish me on the Web. Thus began the Anti-Press Ezine -- APE. Morbus's help kept Anti-Press going all these years. Thanks, Morbus.

Why Not A 14-Karat Wig For Uncle Baldie?

2006-04-04T03:04:00.000-04:00

Why are funeral homes like supermarkets? Besides the packaging of dead meat, they both want to sell you certain products that you don’t necessarily need.

To see what I mean, read “The American Way of Death” by Jessica Mitford, either the book or the original article that inspired it. The article is included in the recent anthology of investigation journalism called “Tell Me No Lies,” edited by John Pilger.

Even though her skeptical look at the funeral industry dates back to the 1960s, some of her observations are still valid today. She did document certain egregious transgressions by the funeral business at that time and reforms were made. But her questioning attitude towards some expenses can still be applied.

Of course, funeral homes aren’t non-profit entities. They’re entitled to make a decent living. Also, I would never tell others how to spend their own money. But I reserve the right, like Mitford, to think that certain purchases are extravagant, beside the point.

I wonder how Mitford would react to a article covering the local dead meat beat in a recent Sunday edition of the Plattsburgh (news)paper, the Daily Snafu. The article explained how “new” innovations (aren’t innovations by nature “new?”) in the funeral industry offer more options for consumers – to spend more money, of course.

I think Mitford would be greatly amused how modern technology has reached its apex with personalized DVD tributes featuring photographs of the loved one with family and friends. Now you don’t have to touch those dirty prints; just pop the tribute DVD into a TV set during the wake. A tribute producer explained that his service provided more than a slide show: he pans and zooms for an interactive feel. Hey, I can do the same thing with a print in my hand, moving it sideways or back and forth in front of my face, for a lot cheaper.

And let’s not forget the packaging of the dead meat. Coffins – I’m sorry, I should use the euphemism, “caskets,” – can be outfitted with gaudy options that just end up rotting in the ground. As the Daily Snafu article states: “The sky’s the limit when it comes to choosing – and paying – for a casket.”

How about a bronze casket with 14-karat gold hardware? Yours for about $30,000. (Just don’t let any grave robbers know where the final resting place shall be.) How about some fancy lid panels? Such a panel could show the stiff – sorry, the “dearly departed” – pursuing one of his favorite activities when he was animated: golfing, boating, or fornicating. Was the departed an avid outdoorsman? Well, you can get a casket in camouflage colors for only $2700. Nothing says decorum than a coffin adorned with splotches of earthy green and brown.

But who would buy this stuff? Let’s face it, a fancy coffin is about as practical as a third tit on Dolly Parton. As Mitford has pointed out, it’s normal for a person who has lost a close relative or friend to be in shock. There might also be feelings of guilt, that they blame themselves for not treating the person better when he was alive.

How better to relieve that guilt than to spend extra for the cammo exterior with the 14-karat gold handles?

Mayor Trying To Market Hole In Ground

2006-03-14T01:27:00.000-05:00

One end of the downtown parking lot in Plattsburgh has been dug up and isolated by chain link fencing. An ugly, abandoned sand pit. This was supposed to be the site of a great building project. But the endeavor has hit a snag.

Due to environmental issues, the site had to be cleaned up at a cost of $43,000 to city taxpayers; the rest of the clean up -- which came to about $1 Million total -- was paid by state taxpayers. Since most city taxpayers are also state taxpayers, they have paid twice to create an environmentally-safe hole in the ground. And people wonder why their taxes keep going up.

There’s nothing wrong with progress – when it’s real progress, instead of spinning your wheels in the mud, getting stuck.

And the city taxpayer might be stuck again, thanks to the truism, “Build it and they will come.”

It was assumed that it would be easy to lure tenants to a brand new retail and office building in downtown Peeburgh. Plans went ahead for construction before tenants were signed up.

An investment company from Vermont initiated the project but when it couldn’t find tenants, it walked last summer. Another investor from Albany is now involved; it says some tenants are interested, but so far this second company hasn’t convinced anyone to John Hancock on the dotted line.

So the site sits there like a gaping financial wound. As for the pollution issue, apparently everything would have been OK if the parking lot hadn’t been dug up. There was no pressing need for environmental remediation; the city could’ve let that sleeping dog lie there.

But the mayor says he will try to sell the spot to someone, somehow. He stresses the positive, saying the site is shovel-ready, that the city could find another developer. Or it could just pave the lot over again. New pavement for only $1 Million.

Meanwhile, the hole keeps filling up with water from the snow and rain. I think about all those scary ads on the TeeVee during the warm weather last year. Dump out any potential containers, old cans, even tires, that might accumulate water. Don’t let standing water become a breeding ground for death from the sky.

Spring is on its way. Maybe the parking lot construction site will see increased activity –- as a breeding ground for mosquitoes carrying the West Nile virus.

A Sinking Feeling

2006-03-14T01:24:00.000-05:00

What has happened to common courtesy?

The other day I walked into the men’s room at the public library. Maybe I should be inured to the few characters that hang around the library, that nothing should surprise me. But I was caught off guard by a longhair washing his skull-mop in a sink.

How rude can you be? I mean, there’s his sluffed hair lying all over the sink. Now how could I wash my socks with that unsanitary mess?

News Zombies On Your Doorstep

2006-02-20T04:09:00.000-05:00

David Kaczynski spoke recently at Plattsburgh College. Does his last name sound familiar to you? You’re probably more familiar with his brother, Ted Kaczynski, AKA The Unabomber.

David Kaczynski is the Executive Director of New Yorkers Against the Death Penalty ( www.nyadp.org ). He spoke about how his life changed when he realized that his brother Ted was probably the Unabomber. David Kaczynski contacted the FBI with his suspicion, hoping to save another person from being injured or even killed. He thought he had an understanding with the feds: the government would keep his name confidential and they would also not push for the death penalty.

So much for promises by your government. David Kaczynski said that his brother had mental problems and that life imprisonment without parole was the best way to protect society. But the government wanted the ultimate punishment; they didn’t care about any insanity plea. If Ted Kaczynski didn’t have some of the best lawyers around defending him, he would have been executed.

The other promise broken was confidentiality. After the word leaked out about who turned in the Unabomber, David Kaczynski had all sorts of news people parked outside his home. Big news trucks with satellite dishes, the usual circus.

It was bad enough when his worse fears about Ted were proven true – everyone in his family, especially his mother, was having a hard time trying to deal with that revelation – but now he had to contend with the media trying to pry its way into his life, hungry for that exclusive quote or image. One time he caught a newsperson using a telephoto lens to peer into one room through a part in the curtains. David Kaczynski had to go around his house, shielding each window from the greedy snoops.

In describing this situation, he compared it to a particular movie: Night of the Living Dead. He felt like one of the normal humans in that film, trapped in an isolated house, all entrances boarded up, trying to keep the flesh-eating zombies out.

News zombies. Usually I call them news vultures or vampires, but I think the zombie term is just as accurate. What gives them the right to harass a family going through a terrible time? Especially when they’re bold enough to set up their cameras and mikes on the front lawn, scrutinizing every moment, turning someone’s home into a fishbowl. How would one of them react if the table was turned, that disaster visited his family and the media was outside, pressing in on his abode, like the ravenous undead?

But a news zombie doesn’t think. It’s a mindless creature, an unemotional monster, ready to eat up the grief, pre-digesting and regurgitating tragedy into a palatable form for its zombie audiences.

What Rough Beast Slouches Towards Buggy Whip?

2006-01-09T02:28:00.000-05:00

Wow! The Plattsburgh Daily (news)Paper has discovered a newfangled thing called a web-log or a blog! It’s adding one of these doohickeys to its Web site. Here’s part of the intricate answer provided by the (news)Paper to the question, “What is a blog?”

“Authoring a blog, maintaining a blog or adding an article to an existing blog is called ‘blogging.’ Individual articles on a blog are called ‘blog posts,’ ‘posts,’ or ‘entries.’ The person who makes these entries is called a ‘blogger.’”

Really.

Did you know that cutting down trees in the woods is called “logging?” The cut trees are made into things called “logs” or “posts.” A person who cuts down trees for a living is called a “logger.”

Is that pedantic enough for you?

The simplistic explanation of blogging provided by the (news)Paper indicates that the editor considers the majority of his readers to be simple people of an advanced age, oldsters dating back to the days of the buggy whip. Also, it seems the editor can’t keep pace with modern technology. Why did the explanation use such ABC sentence structure? Well, it had to be easy enough for even a gray-haired editor to understand. After all, he’s been kinda confused since transistor radios were introduced.

The poor old editor: he has no concept of what bloggers represent to traditional media, especially newspapers. Such an editor is a dinosaur dimly aware of the new critters on the scene, not realizing that mammals could be vectors of extinction.

Hey, dino, wake up! Quick little rodents are eating your eggs.

The Mysterious Vladimir Kulakov

2006-01-09T01:47:00.000-05:00

So how did the prisoner get free from his shackles and then jump out of the backseat of a locked sheriff’s car without any apparent use of force?

Vladimir Kulakov claims he has helpers, that he will be free. What kind of helpers? Demons, maybe?

From his criminal record Kulakov appears to be quite the character, with or without any supernatural help. A Russian nationalist who has been living in the US for about ten years, he’s been stirring up trouble on both sides of Lake Champlain.

Over in Vermont Kulakov was convicted in 1995 of mailing human feces to that state’s governor. Before that, in 1993, he decided to get everyone’s attention by walking into the Burlington Police Station with his loaded AK-47. Previously he had been arrested a couple of times for trespassing at Vermont courthouses, but apparently those incidents didn’t create the impression he needed. (Is his nickname Vlad the Impresser?)

Then he crossed the lake to hang around here in Plattsburgh, eventually creating a commotion in NENYland (northeastern New York State). He started off small before building up to the big headlines. In 1997 he was convicted for criminal possession of a loaded weapon, a 9-millimeter pistol he left behind in a gas station toilet.

From here we get into the “alleged” stuff that has been reported in the local papers.

Spring, 2004: Kulakov is arrested, allegedly found with a rifle and charged with illegal weapons-possession.

August, 2005: Out on bail and waiting for court action, Kulakov (allegedly) fails to show up for a court appearance and a bench warrant is issued for his arrest.

September 9th, 2005: Kulakov is allegedly driving a stolen vehicle when allegedly pulled over by the NY State Police. It is alleged that Kulakov fled and tried to hide in a nearby field. Allegedly a trooper was searching for Kukalov and so the alleged suspect shot with alleged bullets from his alleged gun, allegedly wounding the trooper in his arm and head. Fortunately, the trooper survived the alleged attack; the alleged victim was seen recently on TeeVee with his arm bandaged up from his alleged wound.

After allegedly shooting the trooper, it is alleged Kulakov fled the scene and allegedly stole another vehicle, heading south. But his alleged flight from justice didn’t work out and he was allegedly stopped by police officers on Sept 10th. This time he is alleged to have jumped out of the allegedly stolen vehicle and fled into the allegedly nearby woods, but the officers were able to catch him without further incident within an hour – allegedly, that is.

(Sorry to be a bit redundant with the proper terminology, but due to legal reasons, I must err on the side of caution. I can’t afford to have my ass sued off.)

January 5th, 2006: Shackled hand and foot, Kulakov is being returned to the county jail after a court appearance. The alleged cop-shooter somehow slips free of his shackles and jumps from the moving Sheriff’s vehicle – or so it is alleged. He is captured within twenty minutes.

On TeeVee and in the newspaper, the County Sheriff says it’s a mystery how Kulakov broke free during this latest (alleged) incident. He shows on the local TeeVee news the door that Kulakov allegedly opened to allegedly escape; there is no sign of force or tampering.

But is it so mysterious? Kulakov was allegedly arrested one time with a handcuff key. If that allegation is true, then it indicates he’s familiar with handcuffs and ankle bracelets.

Also, the sheriff’s department has been criticized for lax security. The worse incident involved the last episode of the TeeVee sitcom, Seinfeld. Remember how NBC used to brag that it gave its viewers “Must See TeeVee”? When Seinfeld was going to end its initial run, everyone HAD to see that final episode.

That apparently included the officers at the county jail. Someone on duty that night disconnected the security monitors, replacing the regular programming with a special broadcast of the last Seinfeld episode. After all, it was “Must See TeeVee.” You don’t need security monitors on 24-7, do you?

OK, that’s an extreme example, but it does point to an important fact: people are human, even law enforcement officers. So with human error and oversight, Kulakov’s latest alleged escape attempt doesn’t seem to be that mysterious, especially when you consider magicians and their sleight of hand tricks. (Sorry, Wes Craven, you’ll have to find another boogeyman for your next horror movie.)

But Kulakov is still mysterious. The mystery: with his criminal
record, why has this nutball been walking around free for so long? After his stunts, including mailing feces, one would think he would be at least confined to a max security mental hospital.

Or does Vladimir Kulakov only “allegedly” suffer from a severe mental disorder that may cause an innocent person to be killed?

FOOTNOTE: The County Sheriff announced that security with the transport of Vladimir Kulakov would be beefed up. The prisoner’s handcuffs and ankle bracelets will be doubled. Also, an officer will sit right next to him in the back seat. Considering how crazy but clever Kulakov has been, one wonders if he plans to twist the new security set-up against itself, even using the officer sitting next to him to his own advantage. (At the same time, maybe I’ve been watching too many stage magicians and Wes Craven movies.)

UPDATE: Part of the mystery is solved. Kulakov was caught trying to hide a handcuff key in the toilet during an inspection of his cell. The key was in rough shape from being repeatedly swallowed and digested by Mr. K. As we noted above, he was arrested with such a key. Apparently no one suspected he carried a spare in a special place, waiting for it to come to pass when he needed it. But no word how he got the door to the patrol car open. Probably another magic trick such as wedging something in the door so it wouldn’t completely lock.

Getting Hip To The Prez & Co.

2005-12-21T02:22:00.000-05:00

In a recent televised address, President George W. Bush claimed that the United States was winning the war in Iraq, despite the insurgents pressing on with their attacks, despite the specter of civil war hanging over the whole bomb-blasted mess. Do I believe the President? Of course, I do. Look! Here comes Peter Cottontail, hoppin’ down the bunny trail, hippity, hoppity.

Meanwhile, Ken Lay, an old buddy of the President, is getting ready to go on trial. He was the chairman of the Enron Corporation, the energy company accused of ripping off consumers for billions of dollars. Recently Lay stated that he is innocent; his underlings were the ones who lied, conspired, and committed fraud. Do I believe him? Of course, I do. Look! Once again, here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunny trail, hippity, hoppity. Hop, hop, hop.

The next time a public figure - politician, businessman, whatever – tells you a story, expecting to you to accept it without question like a naïve child, say that you believe him. And make sure to add: “Please, tell me more, Mr. Cottontail.”

Hippity, hoppity. Hop, hop, hop.

Be a hophead.

After all, Truth’s on its way.

A Matter Of Words

2005-12-21T02:09:00.000-05:00

Every winter I wait for summer, trying to hold on. The biggest hump to get over is the so-called holiday season. Peace On Earth, Good Will To Men. Unless some SOB is reaching for the last Xbox on sale; then break his arm!

Of course, there are those who whine about how Christ has been taken out of Christmas. But most of them still swarm around the shopping malls like hungry rats, trying to get the perfect gift that doesn’t exist.

Some reporter or columnist will write an article about avoiding holiday stress and depression. An expert is interviewed; he will say anyone who is vulnerable should take it easy, not get caught up in the rush and unrealistic expectations.

But the TeeVee will run those seasonal classics, all with the happy endings, reinforcing the programming that tries to keep everyone brainwashed, making sure that the trained rats will spend more this year, keeping sales healthy. After all, that’s the reason for the season: profit$.

Me, I opt out. I don’t bother with the phony greeting cards, overpriced decorations, “perfect” gifts. I don’t need a holiday to wish someone well or to send them a present.

Lately a controversy has erupted over the use of “Merry Christmas.” Some prefer the phrase “Happy Holidays,” acknowledging that not all Americans are Christian, that others have their own beliefs, special celebrations. But that has triggered a strong response by the Faithful. Now if you say “Happy Holidays,” you’re suspected of being a liberal-commie-pinko Christ-hater.

There’s a better way to sum up this time of the year. Forget “Merry Christmas,” “Happy Holidays,” and even “Season’s Greetings.” Call the whole mess what it really is.

Crap.

Ugation: Holiday Scam or Artsy Subterfuge?

2005-12-14T04:21:00.000-05:00

Art or just artsy? Real creativity or just a gag?

It’s called ugation, a neologism created from the term ugly creation. But don’t tell someone that if you’re giving such an item as a Christmas or birthday gift. And make sure to use the artsy pronunciation, yoo-gae-shen. After all, you don’t want the recipient of your ugated gift to find out that you’re a cheap bastard.

Cheap is a key word. So is haste. Ugation is a combination of inexpensive or free objects quickly thrown together without much second thought.

Walk through a craft store and pay attention to what’s on sale. There’s a block of green Styrofoam at a low price. Find some cheesy plastic flowers, jam them into that block, and then spray Silly String all over. If it looks like real art, you’ve failed. If it looks like pretentious arty crap – congratulations! It’s a successful ugation.

All you have to do to come up with a connoisseur’s spiel. With the above example, you could say it represents the plastic phoniness of commercialism, the Silly String representing the symbolic web that traps all consumers under the capitalistic system. Then make sure to put a $100 price tag on it. It’s “Art,” ain’t it?

A Stink At PU?

2005-11-30T01:59:00.000-05:00

Drugs! Theft! Ostracism!

So what’s really going on at Plattsburgh University? Since the college boasts both an award-winning student newspaper and an active journalism program, one would think the answer would be easy to find.

The story on the street – not necessarily the best way to get your news – is that the last issue of the student newspaper, the one published before the Thanksgiving break, was stolen. Every last copy. Why? Censorship or cover-up, take your pick. That issue supposedly had content unfavorable to the Student Association and so persons unknown decided that no one should read it.

This all leads back to an incident involving someone in the SA who reported that a few of his peers were allegedly taking illegal substances while they were attending an inter-campus meeting downstate. This student stirred up a ruckus, being labeled as either a hero or a snitch. He’s experienced criticism and rejection by some students and certain faculty members, even though he thought he was doing the right thing.

This dust-up was front page news for the student newspaper, but we only learned about it by chance, not directly from the paper. The trouble is, despite being an award-winning publication, for the last couple of years the student newspaper hasn’t been delivered to any locations downtown. At one time you could drop by the bookstore or the pizza place and grab a copy. Now the paper is only distributed on campus, even though non-students do read it – if it is available to them.

We wanted to gather some facts but we’re not going all the way into the campus to pick up a copy – especially if copies are not available due to theft.

Of course, since PU touts its journalism major, we expected that information would be available at the student newspaper website. Guess what. Between Googling and searching the PU site, we couldn’t find any viable online presence. The closest results at the PU site were pages devoted to PR puff pieces bragging how the student newspaper won another “All American” award from the Associated Collegiate Press. A couple of other sites had listings of college papers online, including a link to PU’s. But after clicking on that link, the inevitable “HTTP 404 – Not Found” would pop up. (Don’t accuse us of not doing our research.)

So it seems at one time there was an online presence. What happened? Did someone hijack the site’s content? And, more important, why isn’t the site back up? Even cheap penny saver weeklies maintain their sites.

One wonders what PU is teaching its journalism majors. Maybe the budding journalists are studying in meticulous detail how Guttenberg cranked out a bible centuries ago instead of learning how to update an actual website or blog. Maybe students are trained to regard their newspaper as a cultic house organ, avoiding any distribution off campus in either cyber- or meat- space.

In the meantime, we’re forced to get PU-related news from the street. We might luck out and meet an award-winning “All American” rumormonger.

Just As Good As a Cheap French Door Handle

2005-11-23T03:59:00.000-05:00

By Stan Spire

The French door handles. I had almost forgotten about them. Long gone, lost in the memory hole for most people.

I was walking around downtown Plattsburgh, taking an informal survey of the empty storefronts. I noticed one spot on a corner that used to house a thriving magazine and tobacco shop. Someone had stripped out all the fixtures inside and now it sits there, waiting for someone else to make it into a small goldmine.

The storefront hasn’t been repainted; it’s still trimmed with an off-green shade, something that was probably called Pea Soup Medium Ultra. Years ago the city spent money to renovate a number of storefronts with an uniform scheme, using the same green paint and adding fancy French door handles.

If you’re unfamiliar with that type of handle, imagine a “S” lying on its side and then flattened down enough to form a long curvy shape. While the green paint remained – at least with this one storefront - the fancy door handles are long gone. There were a few of them downtown at different locations and it seemed that within a year of their installation they were all broken, replaced with real door handles.

I wasn’t surprised that the French handles didn’t last. If you have a business with many people coming and going, you need a good quality handle that can stand up to relentless use. The ones selected by the downtown renovation project looked like they were found in the K-Mart bargain bin.

But that’s how the city wastes money. It’ll either take a half-step, not spending a bit more for quality, or it just invests a bundle in a guaranteed doomed-to-failure project.

More recently the city spent lots of $ in planting antique streetlights downtown, flooding the area with piss-yellow glare. On one block, with a period of a year or so, three of these cheap knock-offs have broken. A truck jumps bumps into one and it snaps like a matchstick. I looked inside a couple of these busted posts. I didn’t expect each post to be solid, but at the same time it was surprising to see how hollow it was. The casting is thin for such a tall structure, around a quarter inch or so. And the metal itself looks like it was made from recycled tin cans. I’ve seen better casting with a hollow chocolate Easter bunny.

It doesn’t take much to get one of these posts to shake and shimmy. Just grab one, pull back and forth a few times, and watch it vibrate like a big tuning fork. A prime target for drunken college students bored with bending over street signs.

One day a major windstorm will rip through downtown and most of the cheap antique streetlights will fall down, completely snapping free. Whoever is in power at that time will realize the streetlights aren’t worth replacing and so they’ll be all hauled away to the landfill.

Then, centuries from now, archeologists will be digging through the landfill strata and they will stumble upon the layer with the broken antique lampposts. They shake their heads, upset with the waste of valuable materials. They dig deeper, finding a layer dotted pieces of inferior-quality brass. The archeologists put the pieces together: the parts form cheap French door handles.

At this point their disgust turns into laughter.

(Note: the picture accompanying this article is for only illustrative purposes. The handle shown only looks similar to the type discussed in the article. No quality judgment should be inferred, Mr. Corporation Attorney.)

Public BS Desperate For Fund$

2005-11-15T06:04:00.000-05:00

How low will PBS stoop to grease money out of your wallet?

The local PBS TV stations run ads that would make a crooked televangelist blush. A couple of them are aimed at older viewers. The less offensive one shows Grandma baking cookies in her kitchen, while her grandkids, a cute boy and girl, are watching Sesame Street. In the voice-over she reveals that she is leaving part of her estate to the Public Broadcasting System so that it can provide her grandchildren with quality programming after she is gone.

Of course, Granny won’t be around when her grandkids become rebellious teens into drugs and all sorts of godawful stuff. PCP, not PBS, will be on their minds.

Another ad has a pleasant shill talking nice to older viewers, asking them to remember PBS in their wills. Some of those viewers are sitting at home, all alone, and here is this person on TeeVee acting as their friend, trying to get some hot cash from their cold bodies. Ghoulish or what?

The latest ad now presents PBS as saving marriages. Yup, by watching public TeeVee you can prevent divorce.

In the spot a married woman talks about a program presented by PBS about John Adams or some other historical fart from the days of early America. The program showed the strong love between Adams and his wife. After the program was over, both husband and wife were moved by the story, sitting there in the dark of their living room, only the streetlight outside providing any illumination.

That special show inspired that couple to mend their differences and become closer together. It made them realize what was important in life.

Gee, I wonder if the PBS science program, NOVA, re-unites couples after it runs a show about the spread of genital herpes?

Pandering To The Ratings

2005-11-09T08:51:00.000-05:00

It must be sweeps week. The local TeeVee news is pushing special stories to make you worried, so worried that you’ll have to tune in.

Sweeps, in case you didn’t know, is a period during the year when the rating services decide to pay extra attention to who is watching what when. (Sounds like they’re making an effort to be at least halfway accurate.) The pressure is on for network and local programs to score good numbers against the competition so that they can charge top dollar to advertisers.

On the local level, the local newscast usually works the fear angle: “Lead Paint In Your Schoolyard!” “How Pedophiles Lure Your Kids!” “They (the frightfully unspecified “they”) Might Live Next Door To You!”

Occasionally the sex angle is used: “High School Girls Are Dressing Like Young Hookers!” (That “hook,” like the other preceding ones, was actually used by the local TeeVee news.) Of course, besides the titillation, a story about girls in scanty clothing provokes fear because parents will be worried about how their daughter is attiring herself while trying to keep her away from lead paint, pedophiles, and “They.”

News With A Plastic Smile

2005-11-09T08:19:00.000-05:00

They grin with bright white teeth, wear nice clothes, claim they care about you. They want to be friends with you -- even though it isn’t their job.

Their job is supposed to be report the news in a fair and accurate manner.

The typical TeeVee newscaster probably doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you as a person, but as a number, another digit in the ratings game. Plattsburgh’s TeeVee station is affiliated with the NBC network. The local anchors appear with NBC’s latest meat puppet star, Brian Williams, in a promo aired ad nauseam. This promo seems to appear every ten minutes, 24/7. The two locals sit in a studio with Williams, gushing on about how their regional newscast shares the same goals of NBC news: helping others, providing a valuable service to the community.

Of course, that valuable service is sandwiched between ads by car dealers so desperate to make a sale that they’ll run annoying “humorous” spots devoid of an iota of humor or even get their naïve kids on the screen to shill for them.

Sticking to the script, the local anchors -- He & She, the standard duo -- tell Williams how they care about the community because they live in the community. Left unspoken is the fact that if a better job offer comes along, He or She would leave this Godforsaken tundra outpost in a second.

Alternating with the promo featuring He & She and NBC’s Number One teleprompter reader is an aggravating spot featuring Brian Williams standing on a beach, probably after the Asian tsunami, going on about no shelter, no food, no water, how the poor victims are suffering. Of course, after that show of humanity, Williams flew back home first class and had a nice meal at a tony five-star Manhattan restaurant while those victims were still stuck on the beach, no shelter, no food, no Perrier sparkling water.

When Brain Williams comes on, the channel changes or the TeeVee is snapped off. So much for pseudo-friend overpromotion.

And as for the local anchors, they carry on night after night with their extended family, the grinning, somewhat goofy sportscaster and the grinning, somewhat goofy weatherman. All part of what killed local TeeVee reporting: the “Happy News” format.

But don’t believe what you see on the screen. A cathode ray tube illusion ain’t reality. Remember that when you meet one of these newsreaders out in public and say hello, politely holding a door open while commenting on how you enjoy her work.

Don’t be surprised if that plastic TeeVee personality barely acknowledges your existence, you couch potato peon.

Students Finger Mayor

2005-11-07T02:31:00.000-05:00

Some parents think Plattsburgh, NY was created to baby-sit their demon spawn.

They send their kids here to college to get them far away from home. Whatever their rude, vandalizing offspring do here is out of sight and ergo should be out of mind -- at least the minds of the parents.

Of course, students can become a little rowdy, but for a few there is no limit to their actions, how far they will go to aggravate, or even hurt, someone else. And when they get away with it, it’s like an invitation for others to join in the “fun.”

For example, years ago a few college-age “young adults” came to town and they ended up causing serious trouble. They weren’t PU students but their actions fell into the same category of “youthful indiscretion.” They were walking right into traffic, endangering themselves and the drivers. At that time there used to be a neighborhood watch patrol, volunteer citizens contacting the police when they spotted trouble. The neighborhood watch patrol tried to get the guys out of the street before someone was hurt. For their good citizenship, a couple of the volunteers were rewarded with beatings. Those who meted out those beatings got off easy in court. (The neighborhood watch no longer patrols. Gee, wonder why?)

This semester the mayor decided to try to control some of the disquiet and damage by notifying parents when their kid had been arrested. One mother was upset with the Burghomeister when she was informed of her overgrown brat’s actions. She said that her son was just young, he would grow out of it, how dare you tell me about his arrest.

The majority of students at Plattsburgh U stay out of trouble. It’s just a troublesome minority of PU students who like to tear down street signs, steal property, smash windows, and screw in the bushes in someone’s front yard. Of course, all of this seems to be not a big deal -- until it happens to you, your property is stolen or destroyed, you find vomit all over your front steps and a passed out stranger in your bed.

In response, a few students have shown displeasure towards the crackdown by a making a particular gesture at the mayor: the middle finger salute. Obviously a sign of maturity.

Wait until these assholes graduate, get jobs, become full-fledged property owners with mounting debt hanging over their heads. They’ll be the first ones to call the cops and complain to the mayor when a few kids perpetrate a bit of mischief like smash the picture window to their new home or key the hell out of their new car. And what will happen to those young vandals? Simple: their Moms and Dads will send them to college way up there in Plattsburgh.

The cycle goes on…

Plattsburgh Stinks!

2005-11-05T03:36:00.000-05:00

“Jack Frost nipping at your nose…”

So goes that nauseating Xmas song. Yesterday in downtown Plattsburgh, Jack Shit was ripping at your nose. The scent of scat in your sinuses. Most likely the water treatment facility -- AKA the sewage plant -- was stinking up the place. The fecal miasma permeated everything.

We don’t think the culprit was the compost plant at the other end of town. As far as we know, they had to shut down that white elephant after two -- count ‘em, two-- fires. It seems the city doesn’t get the message until disaster hits twice. According to the history books, there used to be a dynamite factory right inside the city limits. It was asked to relocate after the second time it blew up. One must ask: Does the city know jackshit?

But the city prides itself on the great progress it’s making. After all, it’s going to have a new hotel built right on the water, a place where everyone can enjoy that fresh lake air.

Guess where the new hotel will sit.

Right near the sewage plant, of course.

Don't Forget The Hyphen!

2005-11-05T02:42:00.000-05:00

That's if you want to find your way back here to this particular site. Anti-Press Ezine -- APE -- has been around for a while but we finally decided to start blogging. After some research we decided to go with this service -- mainly because it was free and relatively simple to use. But wouldn't you know it -- someone else got here before us with the title of "antipress." From what we've seen, the other "AP" is a ghost site; nothing posted there since 2003. Well, we can work around that. Remember: we're anti[INSERT HYPHEN]press.blogspot.com.

For the uninitiated: Anti-Press Ezine has been sporadically published from Plattsburgh, NY. Besides our usual rants on life in general, we find that Plattsburgh serves as the perfect microcosmic reflection of the world at large. If you want to find how things get screwed up on a big scale, just look at the smaller scale version in your own backyard.

If you want to find out more about us, check out the back issues at www.disobey.com . At the top of the homepage you'll see a link to the Anti-Press Ezine archives. If that doesn't work, then Google "Anti-Press Ezine" and something is bound to pop up.

OK, it's time to hit the PUBLISH button and see if this stuff sticks to the wall. More later.