9.11.2006
Streets Torn Up To Hell? Let’s Have A Parade!
Two weeks ago a Plattsburgh virgin (i.e., someone who has never lived here before) asked me if the streets being rebuilt around city hall would be ready for the Battle of Plattsburgh celebration. After all, they couldn’t hold a parade with the streets in such rough shape, could they?
I smiled. This is Plattsburgh, I replied. They would hold the parade even if the streets turned into quicksand.
And so BOP 2006 was held, parade and all, during the weekend with the rebuilding incomplete. Stirred up dust permeated the air, ready to irritate noses and lungs. Large gravel was scattered about in oversized depressions, waiting to trip up someone and break an ankle. Visitors to the city had to be pleasantly impressed by such attention to detail.
Fortunately, it did rain before the parade, so the dust problem settled down, just leaving deep puddles in the ripped up streets. But one still had to watch out for the gravel, especially if they were wearing sandals.
There was no reason to hold the parade using the same route in front of city hall. Main Street was still in good shape except for one rough intersection, so the parade could have gone that way, at least for this year.
But such forward thinking can’t be tolerated in such a narrowed-minded, provincial town. Tradition is tradition; change is hardly an option.
In justifying the strict adherence to tradition, one local (half)wit associated with BOP stated that there would be no problem holding the event as usual with the streets in such substandard condition. In fact, said the wit, it would make Plattsburgh more like 1814 when the Battle of Plattsburgh was fought. After all, they didn’t have paved streets back then.
And during the War of 1812 they didn’t have the advances in medicine that we take for granted today. So if the streets fit the period, why not add some more authentic details? How about an outbreak of cholera? Just give out free bottles of contaminated water. And for more period detail, throw in an epidemic of scarlet fever for the kids.
Hell, let the re-enactors load up with real shot in their rifles. Let the blood flow, just like the good old days.
Put real cannonballs in the cannons and let them rip. And if the sewage treatment plant is hit during the reenactment of the land battle –- hey, war is hell. Shit happens.
