Anti-Press Express

“When a citizen spends as much time reading ads as editorials, it can only mean one thing. He’s in the market for a new car.”

Thus proclaims a full-page ad that recently appeared in the Plattsburgh Fishwrap Times. I never realized there was such a connection between editorial readers and car buyers.

This must mean that people who do the crossword puzzle are looking to buy a small third world country. Or those who read the comics, especially Blondie and Beetle Bailey, are seeking personal fulfillment through metaphysics.

The illustration with the ad is just –- well, weird. The ad talks about the latest hip thing in newspapers, online editions, but uses clip art from the 1890s, featuring an ancient horse buggy. This is the 21st Century, not the 19th. A high white collar buttoned tightly around a man’s neck, stiffly starched, cutting off circulation, ain’t even retro. Why use stuffy, outdated clip art to illustrate the NEW advertising opportunities offered by a paper?

But it’s all part of the disconnect between the corporations and the information-seeking audience. The corporations squeeze their newspapers for even more profit while people find other outlets for information. Instead of spending promotional money wisely, the corporations run lame ad campaigns that proclaim “Newspaper Advertising. A Destination, Not a Distraction.”

I keep reading about the crisis in newspaper publishing, how readership is declining. In fact, one newspaper was caught some time ago inflating its circulation figures just to keep charging top dollar for advertising.

But the hip ad says to contact your newspaper representative to find out about “the growing readership of newspaper media.” Is that referring to the old style print edition or is it also including the free online edition? If you buy an ad with the paper, does it include both formats? If readership is growing, why are many papers cutting back on their staffs?

Of course, I wouldn’t asking such questions if I wore a stiff collar wrapped around my neck, interrupting the flow of fresh blood to my brain.