10.31.2006
Halloween Faux Pas?
Check out this image from a recent edition of the Plattsburgh paper.
The cutline that accompanied this photo stated: Blanche Dupraw has a smile for Ryan Kunath, 7, of West Chazy, dressed in the guise of the Grim Reaper for CVPH Medical Center’s Skilled Nursing Facility’s Halloween parade on Sunday.
What a perfect costume for the occasion. Nothing is so uplifting to an elderly person with only days to live than a visit by Death personified.
Maybe one of the kids dressed up as the Human Torch before he visited the burn unit.
It's News, Mr. Vincenzo!
The Plattsburgh (news)paper has been covering the financial problems facing the city, low funds and rising taxes. OK, no problem there. But then it published an editorial talking about an audit being withheld from the public that would clear up a lot of questions about how bad the situation is with the city's finances. The editorial, dated October 24, 2006, at one point comments:
"There could be another concern, which we've heard voiced several times around town: The employees of the Chamberlain's Office want to keep the audit from the public until after Election Day for fear tax-conscious [mayoral] candidate Donald Kasprzak will gain more support, be elected and react by cutting city jobs — particularly in the Chamberlain's Office.
"We have no idea whether that is actually the motivation for failure to disclose the information in the audit..."
Later on, the editorial states:
"There was no chamberlain at the time to certify what he was saying. James Buran had resigned to take another job. Now, we hear troubling reports that Stewart had been pressuring Buran to help him cover up unbecoming figures.
"We certainly don't know that to be true..."
Hey, this crap is no better than what I could hear on the street. The only difference is that the paper uses qualifying terms like along the lines of "we don't know if this is the real story, but..."
Sometimes qualifiers have to be used, but it would be better to skip the verbal hedging and deal with facts. Whatever happened to investigative reporting? Instead of repeating rumors, go out and find out if they have any validity. If false, then tell the readers. If true, then tell the public. But don't repeat scuttlebutt from the street. Hell, even bloggers can do that!
As one muckraking reporter vociferously explained to his boss, the purpose of a newspaper is to publish the news.
10.23.2006
Lightbars? We Need No Steenking Lightbars
In the days of the wild west, it was easy to tell the good guys from the bad ones. According to old Hollywood westerns, the good cowboys wore white hats while the baddies preferred black. During a shoot-out or chase, it was easy to tell who was who, especially before movies were shot in color.
In more recent times it was easy to tell a marked police car from a civilian one. Even without its flashers on, a police car had a telltale outline on its roof: the lightbar.
But lately I noticed that the city is shifting to a “stealth” car, i.e., a marked car without a rack of red lights atop its roof. Now the emergency flashers are installed inside the grillwork and along the edge of the windshield.
The other night I went for a walk along the main drag into town, a four lane straightaway where people are known to speed. I noticed two cars stopped next to each other, facing in opposite directions, parked along the center yellow stripe. The drivers had their windows rolled down, gabbing. Neither vehicle had its four-way flashers on.
Great, I thought. Some speeding truck or car is going to spot these guys at the last minute. Maybe the speeder will screech up behind them and lay on his horn.
But as I approached the two vehicles, I noticed their markings. Two city police units. If they had been equipped with lightbars, I would have realized that much sooner. Even with dim street lighting, a rooftop flasher rack is easy to spot.
It seems to be part of a trend. The city patrol cars used to be community-friendly light blue and white; now they’re authoritarian black and white. And with them blending in so easily with other vehicles, thanks to the elimination of the lightbar, it suggests a growing police state state-of-mind.
Especially when the Homeland Security helicopter is flying overhead.
10.10.2006
If Condolences Could Be Bottled
Sunday. Around 3 AM. Two guys are fighting in the street, wrestling, in a town located in the northeastern corner of New York State, AKA NENYland. A car hits both men, killing one, critically injuring the other. The operator of the vehicle is described in the front page article as an “allegedly drunken driver.”
One witness quoted in the article said she saw the driver stumbling all over the road, apparently intoxicated.
The article also notes that someone left some flowers near the scene of the accident, a simple roadside memorial sitting on the grass. A photograph shows the flowers neatly tucked inside a Michelob Light beer bottle.
What a fitting tribute, NENYland style.
(P-R Photo/Rachel Moore)
[Source: http://www.pressrepublican.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20061009/NEWS/610090303/1001&ts=ts1]
10.08.2006
A Terrorist Purse Snatcher?
Check the police log in the daily Plattsburgh paper for Thursday, October 5th, 2006. Look for the item entitled LARCENY INVESTIGATION, dateline Plattsburgh.
The item explains that the City Police are searching for an alleged purse thief who struck Tuesday night at a “laundromat” [sic]. According to the police report, a woman was taking care of her laundry when she noticed a man leaving, her purse in his possession.
OK, what’s so interesting about that? Some guy is accused of grabbing a handbag. Yes, it’s unfortunate that the woman had to lose her IDs and everything else in her purse, but such things happen all the time. Why am I pointing out this article?
The police log goes on to describe the manhunt for the thief, including this detail:
“A Homeland Security helicopter was in the area on unrelated matters and assisted police with the search.”
Now that fact I find interesting. It leads to some questions.
What were the “unrelated matters” that the Homeland Security was handling before it joined the hunt for the purse snatcher? Obviously, those matters weren’t that important: they were quickly dropped so that the helicopter crew could fly around, looking for a petty thief.
I thought Homeland Security was mainly concerned about our border to the north with Canada. Shouldn’t that helicopter be occupied with flying along there, trying to detect any enemies trying to sneak into the US of A?
How much does it cost to run and maintain that helicopter? Gee, that helicopter couldn’t be a big chunk of flying pork, could it? You know, those guys are up there, circling around, looking for something to do. They listen to the police scanner, ready to swing into action when a dangerous purse snatcher is on the loose.
But I could be wrong. Maybe the terrorists, dedicated to blowing up these United States, are trying to raise money by stealing purses. There might be enough loose bills in one purse to buy some firecrackers. And maybe some sparklers, too.
10.03.2006
Consume! Inhale! (Repeat)
Gotta keep the economy going. Be a good consumer. Pay attention to all those ads on teevee. Believe what they tell you.
Your house stinks! So maybe you should open a window and let in some fresh air? Hell, no! You have to eliminate odors with a Glade plug-in air freshener. Just jam it into an electrical outlet and the chemicals inside will permeate the room, hopefully without any carcinogenic effects. Now inhale that perfumed stale air. Doesn't it smell better?
Stuffed up? Did you take your Flonase spray? Make sure to squirt it in each nostril before allergy symptoms occur. Inhale it deep. Take it every day or it won’t work. You know, like heroin.
Is your house stinky AND boring? Get a Glade Lightshow Plug-In. Just plug it into a wall and a nice smell and pretty lights will be simultaneously emitted.
Did take your Flonase? Remember, you have to take your Flonase everyday to keep your sinuses unstuffy. And this just came in: According to an unspecified study mentioned in a rumor that someone repeated in an elevator the other day, Flonase might (or might not) be appropriate to treat hemorrhoids. So buy an extra inhaler and jam it up your ass. Just make sure not to get it mixed up with the one you use for your nostrils. Make sure to use Flonase everyday, every hour.
Wait, what’s irritating your nose? Maybe you’re allergic to all that Glade scent saturating the air. No, of course not. You just forgot to take your Flonase…
How To Unfuck A Downtown
The proposal: take a parking lot and build on it a combo apartment building-retail space-parking garage complex. This will be the salvation of downtown Plattsburgh, NY.
Just like all the other projects that were going to revitalize downtown. Hey, let’s convert convenient two-way streets into inconvenient one-way streets. Hey, let’s widen the sidewalks and narrow main street, making it difficult to park. Hey, let’s replace our efficient, white streetlights with antique lampposts featuring antique garish lighting that floods the sky with an ugly, urine stain glare, a waste of energy. Hey, let’s try diagonal parking, even though it’s confusing to drivers.
On and on it goes. No master plan. Just tear this down here, build this over there. Let’s try this crazy scheme, no let’s do that one.
And what you end up with is a patchwork of failed half-ass projects.
All paid for by tax dollars. Citizens lose, but usually the pols stay ahead of the game, not one dime lost on their part.
Look around downtown Plattsburgh and you’ll see how innovation for its own sake has fucked up the area.
One solution is to put things back the way they were, at least those things that worked properly.
No, not diagonal parking. But narrow the sidewalks and widen the street so that traffic flow and parking isn’t such a pain in the ass. Wide streets worked for decades with no problems.
Return to the modern streetlights, the hooded type that casts pleasant white light downward where it’s needed, instead of wastefully staining the sky with a piss glow.
Make it easy to get around town. One-way streets are great for moving traffic through an area quickly. If you want people to stay a while, then have two-way streets. That way they can drive around the block, instead of going out of their way for three blocks because of a useless one-way street.
And whatever you do, DON’T FUCK UP THE PARKING. The biggest complaints about downtown are parking, parking, parking. Don’t build on a parking lot and eliminate the easy access it provides. One main reason why the malls beyond the city limits have been kicking downtown’s ass into a pulp is because they offer LOTS OF FREE, CONVENIENT PARKING.
Try to look at the overall picture: traffic flow, parking, easy access, etc. The answer is obvious: people want convenience.
That’s why they’ve been going elsewhere.
