10.03.2006
Consume! Inhale! (Repeat)
Gotta keep the economy going. Be a good consumer. Pay attention to all those ads on teevee. Believe what they tell you.
Your house stinks! So maybe you should open a window and let in some fresh air? Hell, no! You have to eliminate odors with a Glade plug-in air freshener. Just jam it into an electrical outlet and the chemicals inside will permeate the room, hopefully without any carcinogenic effects. Now inhale that perfumed stale air. Doesn't it smell better?
Stuffed up? Did you take your Flonase spray? Make sure to squirt it in each nostril before allergy symptoms occur. Inhale it deep. Take it every day or it won’t work. You know, like heroin.
Is your house stinky AND boring? Get a Glade Lightshow Plug-In. Just plug it into a wall and a nice smell and pretty lights will be simultaneously emitted.
Did take your Flonase? Remember, you have to take your Flonase everyday to keep your sinuses unstuffy. And this just came in: According to an unspecified study mentioned in a rumor that someone repeated in an elevator the other day, Flonase might (or might not) be appropriate to treat hemorrhoids. So buy an extra inhaler and jam it up your ass. Just make sure not to get it mixed up with the one you use for your nostrils. Make sure to use Flonase everyday, every hour.
Wait, what’s irritating your nose? Maybe you’re allergic to all that Glade scent saturating the air. No, of course not. You just forgot to take your Flonase…
# posted by Stan Spire @ 4:41 AM 
