12.25.2006
Xmas 2006: A Celebration Of Inflatable Crap
12.20.2006
Regurgitating The News
Last year a porn movie was filmed in Plattsburgh; college students were recruited as local talent. Controversy has arisen with the recent release of the movie: Plattsburgh University looks bad and there also is the issue of safe sex.
Did Plattsburgh’s daily (news)paper break this story? No, it was first reported in the student newspaper at Plattsburgh U, Cardinal Points, as front page news.
Even though the daily paper claims it is in “the breaking news business,” The PeePee didn’t cover the porn movie controversy until after the college paper lead the way. The article by The PeePee was more or less a re-write of the Cardinal Points story.
(Note: The college newspaper is printed under an arrangement with The PeePee, using its presses.)
More recently it came to light that a NENYland town justice was engaging in dubious activities, counseling young defendants outside his court, running his own “probation program” as such. The town where the justice operates, Keeseville, is in the The PeePee’s news coverage area. Did it break that story?
No. The story was featured on the front page of The New York Times (Thursday, Dec. 14, 2006). All The PeePee did was repeat the essentials of the NYT article.
What is going on? As I mentioned before on this blog, the Albany Times Union ran a piece about a former Plattsburgh mayor who was just hired for a top state job. While he was still mayor, the new appointee had starred in a TeeVee ad for a furniture store in downtown Plattsburgh that was going out of business. There was a good reason why the Times Union brought up that fact: the former mayor was now employed in a high level position with the Department of Corrections, but apparently he didn’t know that the two men who ran the furniture store had criminal records. They had been arrested some time ago by the FBI for selling cable TeeVee descramblers.
Plattsburgh is an overgrown small town. It ain’t that big. Neither the former mayor nor the Plattsburgh daily paper knew about that FBI bust? Anyway, for some reason, The PeePee didn’t mention the Times Union piece.
But at least it did fill everyone in that it is under new ownership. In a special editorial the publisher stated nothing would change; The PeePee will still maintain high standards of journalism.
Really.
Maybe it’s time for The PeePee to get its reporters out of the office and into the field, working some sources. You know, report the news, instead of regurgitating it.
Until then, I’ll have to read the Plattsburgh University Cardinal Points, the Albany Times Union, and the New York Times to find out what is going on in my backyard.
12.18.2006
TeeVee Cop, Propaganda Minister
Pay attention if you ever watch the Dragnet episode, Big Seventeen. Made in the 1950s, it’s instructive how facts can be skewed as part of The War On (Some) Drugs.
Dragnet was produced by Jack Webb who also starred in the series as Detective Joe Friday of the Los Angeles Police Department. Friday is an ideal cop to the point of being an unemotional cyborg: he mechanically goes through his paces without encountering any gray areas.
In Big Seventeen Friday and his partner are called in to investigate a riot at a neighborhood movie house. Apparently some teens went nuts in the lobby, smashing up the place. Was it because the matinee that afternoon really sucked? No. You see the answer seems to lie within a small cardboard box left behind at the scene. Inside the box are a couple of “marijuana cigarettes,” seen in a close-up.
But later on when one of the riotous teens is being interviewed at the station, he fesses up, explaining he and his buddies have also been doing yellow jackets and bennies. But since we don’t see those drugs, we only see the joints a couple of times up close, then the inattentive viewer is lead to think that pot, not amphetamine pills, turned the teens into violent maniacs.
Of course, it’s a known fact that pot leads to the harder stuff. The leader of the doping delinquents ends up shooting some heroin. He’s found face down in a pool in the park, D-E-D.
During the investigation we see Friday and his partner sucking on cigarettes, the tobacco kind. Nicotine fiends. And it’s a known fact that cigarettes lead to the hard stuff: alcohol.
But it’s all about The War On (Some) Drugs.
12.17.2006
No Reason For The Season
Here we go again. Another news story about getting through the holidays with less stress.
Fighting the crowds at the mall; trying to find that perfect gift; putting on a phony smile while hosting “friends” and relatives you can’t stand.
Jump those holiday hurdles. And what does the latest newspaper article suggest for ways you can keep your sanity? Relax, take a deep breath. Have a nice cup of tea. Take a nap. Shoot a little heroin. Whatever. Just regain your strength so that you can get back in the race. Jump, jump, jump!
Of course, the article says that one should keep in mind the reason for the season. This advice emphasizes the spirituality of Xmas. After all, it really celebrates the birthday of the Prince of Peace.
Does it? No one really knows when Jesus was born. And if you do a little research, you’ll learn why Xmas falls around the winter solstice. Paganism. The same reason why people cut down and haul trees into their homes, decorating them with manmade crap.
At least it isn’t as bad as the observance of Christ’s resurrection. Ever notice how Easter is celebrated a different time each year? How can that be? Gandhi was assassinated on January 30th and the anniversary of that event doesn’t move all over the calendar. But it would if it was observed, like Easter, on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox. Full moon? Vernal equinox? How can this be? Simple: paganism, right down to the fertility symbols of the rabbit and the eggs.
But commercialism has trumped paganism during Xmas. There’s a TeeVee ad showing a well-off black couple celebrating the holidays. And what did he get his wife? Diamonds. The reason why so many of his black brothers have suffered and died in South Africa, thanks to De Beers. But a diamond is forever. And so are the sins of oppression.
But I suspect if you mention the history behind diamonds to a rich black or a wealthy white liberal, either one would somehow justify buying diamonds. It’s amazing how money affects one’s conscience.
Just like Xmas. I’ve never seen a news story telling people not to participate in the materialistic greed of the season. Instead, such articles explain how to at least keep participating, albeit with a scaled back schedule. No one tells them to drop out, saying “Fuck it!” to the whole deal. That would destroy the economy. If fewer businesses brought Xmas ads, due to a lack of interest by consumers, then the Teevee networks and the newspapers would suffer.
So next Xmas you’ll see the news media recycling the same stories about handling holiday stress. What is the logic behind a person allowing society at large to influence, even dictate, how one should behave, even if it means driving oneself crazy?
By going along with the standard advice about relieving holiday stress, you’re screwing around with the symptom, not the cause. Attack the cause.
Try a different approach. Say “Fuck it!” to the holidays.
And if my advice doesn’t work, it drives you crazier, then you can rejoin the fold for next year’s fleecing.
12.09.2006
Headitorial: Don’t Kiss Your Balls Goodbye
Recently a local business had Xmas ornaments stolen from its façade, including kissing balls. We at Anti-Press are shocked that such a despicable act can occur during this holiday season of Peace On Earth, Good Will Towards All Men.
At the same time businesses have to stay on the ball and make sure that their decorations aren’t too tempting for the Screwges lurking in the long winter night. Apparently kissing balls are the rage this year and extra steps must be taken.
Make sure your balls are firmly attached. Sagging balls can be tempting, so keep them out of reach. Keep an eye on your balls, especially with osculating strangers. When not in use, keep your balls in a loose sack, safely stored at room temp.
And most importantly: during this holiday season, never engage in juvenile humor.
A Penny For Your Phots
The Plattsburgh (news)Paper – called The PeePee for short – has gone under a change of ownership. So what does this mean for its daily coverage of events here in NENYland, the northeastern corner of New York State?
In a special editorial, the publisher declared his paper would stay the course. He stated The PeePee would “still have the same high standards of journalistic excellence.” [sic] He also stated no personnel changes were expected during the transition, adding it was “good news for us, as well as for you, who are used to a consistently high-quality product every day.” [sic]
On page B1 in the Friday, December 8th edition of The PeePee, there was an image of a volleyball game. In was noted in the caption that more “phots” [sic] from the game would be available at the PeePee’s Website. This statement was in bold print for added emphasis.
Such typos and other dumb mistakes happen too often, especially for a paper that uses a computer system – or, to be more accurate, underuses a computer system, never bothering to take advantage of its correction features.
Maybe the PeePee tried to save money and didn’t opt for the spell check. If that’s the case, the new owners can buy a spelling correction program for its latest acquisition. Or even hire an old-fashioned human proofreader.
After all, it takes a bit of work to maintain high standards of journalistic excellence.
12.05.2006
Where Else But Plattsburgh, NY?
Humor is a relative experience. After living in NENYland for too many years, what I find funny could be incomprehensible to an outsider.
Case in point: An item I came across in the book, Sacre Blues: An Unsentimental Journey Through Quebec (2000). The author, Taras Grescoe, was raised in British Columbia, spent a few years living in Paris, and now lives in Montreal. His nonfiction book provides insights into Quebec and its people through history, sociology, and popular culture.
In the area of popular culture, Grescoe talks about Canadian television and what has been produced in the way of Quebec-flavored entertainment. La petite vie is a situation comedy about the dysfunctional Pare family, headed by its bearded patriarch, Popa.
In his description, Grescoe says:
“The Pare family are determinedly lower middle class, xenophobic, and utterly indifferent to anything beyond lottery tickets, recipes for pate chinois (a kind of shepherd's pie with corn), and their perpetual squabbles... Disgusted to learn that they've won an all-expenses-paid voyage to Hong Kong in a raffle, Moman and Popa trade it for 100 trips to Plattsburgh - a New York State border town 45 minutes from Montreal.”
That plot summary is hilarious – at least to me. To most of you, it might produce a confused chuckle or head-scratching.
How do I begin to explain why it’s so funny? I could tell you to look through the Plattsburgh phone book and count all the surnames of Francophone origin, including the ones that have been Anglicized. Or to think about the terms “xenophobic” and “lower middle class.” Maybe the historical phrase, “Blue Light Special at K-Mart,” might give you some proper insight.
But Plattsburgh and the surrounding region have to be experienced personally.
If you can stand it.
